Retrograde▸bucky barnes

13. Diana

Lena awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. The living room was empty save for Alpine curled up on her hip.

"Come on, up, off," she whispered, nudging the kitten.

He opened his eyes and blinked slowly at her as if thoroughly offended that she would dare wake him. Lena sighed and carefully lifted him into her arms as she sat up, blanket falling to the floor.

"Come on, let's go find Bucky and see if he has any ideas for breakfast. I'm starving," she whispered to the cat.

Lena could hear a soft song playing from the back of the apartment, a slow jazz piece that reminded her of childhood.

She followed the music to the door to what she assumed was his room. The door was cracked and she knocked lightly before pushing it open, setting Alpine down as she did so.

It swung to reveal Bucky pulling on a t-shirt. Immediately Lena's eyes were drawn to the glint of metal that was his left arm. She blinked hard as Bucky turned, attention caught by the movement of the door. A flash of dismay crossed his face.

But concern soon replaced it as Lena's knees buckled and she slid against the door frame. He raced to catch her and arrest her fall, but she flinched away from him, stepping away far faster than she should have been able to.

"Lena I can explain-" he said, thinking it was simply the shock of the metal arm itself.

"No," she whispered, "No."

Suddenly she was not in a Brooklyn apartment. She was on an overpass overlooking Paris and she could see a big black Mercedes in the far off distance. Recent intel had said there would be an attempt on the princess's life, but Lena was not sure why the Americans, or S.H.I.E.L.D for that matter, cared.

Suddenly something - someone - hit her hard from behind, momentarily stunning her. Reflexes kicking in, she returned the attack, surprising the masked assailant. He was quick, too quick for what appeared to be a normal human. That was until she caught sight of his left arm, glinting too brightly in the city lights. A memory of watching the Starks' demise triggered in her mind, causing her breath to hitch. If this man, this weapon, was here, this was bigger than she thought. And for the first time in many years, she was afraid.

Perhaps it was the knowledge of the fear itself, but she soon realized that she was not fighting to try to stop him from killing the princess, but rather to avoid her own demise. He easily maneuvered her attacks, almost like he knew her fighting style, only seeming even in the slightest perturbed when she managed to land a blow of energy on the metal arm.

He backed her to the edge of the overpass, and as her fear rose the more easily he advanced his attack. In the moment before the metal arm tossed her off the overpass she saw his eyes as the long hair flew out of his face: they were blue and a clouded mirror of her own green ones.

Falling, nearly unconscious, she had barely enough energy to arrest her fall, but even so, knew something was very much broken when she hit the asphalt.

The pain of the memory flashed in her mind, as she stared into eerily familiar blue eyes. Except this time they were clear, looking at her with deep concern. She had backed into the living room, her legs hitting the back of the couch where she slid down, leaning against it. Everything was falling together, why he never talked about his past, why he always wore gloves.

T-shirt still sitting askew on his body, Bucky stepped closer kneeling down in front of her. He reached to touch Lena's knee, but she flinched away, expanding a slight pulse of energy into the room.

"Lena, it's okay, I can explain, the Avengers-"

"No," she whispered again, voice shaking, "You're... you're not an Avenger."

Bucky's face fell, and even in her distress she could see that this had hit a different chord in him, but she was in no place to care.

"Lena darling, it's okay, I promise, I won't hurt you," he said, still thinking her fear was of the arm itself.

"Look," he said, reaching out the metal arm to touch her knee.

But he did not get far. Even the slight brush of contact of metal on her knees sent him reeling backwards at the electricity.

His eyes were wide as he steadied himself, and he looked like he was in pain, despite Lena's knowing that the electricity would not have pained him for more than a couple moments. He screwed up his eyebrows, not returning to her position against the couch. Instead he stood, feet apart, defensive.

"Lena?" Her name was a question, laced with the anxiety she was feeling.

"Do you remember?" she asked, almost inaudibly.

"Remember?" he said, eyes defocusing, causing Lena to tense further. She was in no condition to fight him if he lost control. Or if he had ever been in control.

His eyes refocused and he seemed to come back to the present, a look of fear resting on his face.

"Do you know who I am?"

"The Winter Soldier," Lena whispered, "you shot JFK, the Starks...whatever happened to Diana that night in Paris..."

"Nobody knows about JFK, HYDRA records weren't... And Diana...the only other person who knew of that should be dead. I threw them off the overpass. They were nearly too strong. I had to get them away from me. There's no way they could have survived.''

"And they nearly didn't."

"No one should know that. Any of those things."

"Bucky, connect the dots," Lena said, her words coming out harshly to mask the fear of the soldier standing in front of her looking so defeated.

After a moment longer horror filled his face, eyes wide, mouth moving but no words coming out. He stepped back, a half step, but enough to know that he was afraid of her too. Maybe not as much as she was of him, but certainly enough to show his distrust.

"The fairy girl. Lilith ."

"Don't call me that," Lena said reproachfully.

"Other than that one time, nobody believed you existed, like a legend-"

"Says the legend himself," Lena scoffed, "nobody really believes in the Winter Soldier. And, that's rich coming from a HYDRA agent. I was a HYDRA too, you know. I knew you existed."

"But-"

"Who do you think planted evidence on Oswald? Whose job was it to clean up the volatile, unpredictable Winter Soldier's messes?"

"I never-"

"No, because I was just as much under their control. Except it was just cleaning up your messes."

"It's not like I had a choice!" he said, his voice raising.

"And that's why I am afraid now," Lena whispered.

He looked at her like a hurt puppy, his eyes glimmering with tears.

"Lena I-" he said, coming closer again.

"No, Bucky, no," she said, launching herself from her position on the floor and stumbling towards the entrance to his apartment, pulling on her shoes as she went. She reached the door, coat haphazardly thrown over her shoulders, purse in hand.

"Goodbye James," she said, before slipping out the door, desperate to get as far away from the Winter Soldier as possible.

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a/n:   y'all i've be WAITING to post this chapter because the ANGST. tbh it's probably one of my favorite scenes i've written for this fic so pls lmk what you think!

xx