Retrograde▸bucky barnes

23. Leaving Latvia

Hours later, Lena and Bucky sat in a little airport on their way to the Sokovian memorial. She picked at the bagel that Bucky had purchased for her, accompanied by another (much better) cup of coffee. For the past couple hours Bucky had been waffling over where he thought Zemo would go next and he still was now, even with their plane tickets already purchased.

But for once, Lena found herself only half listening. The word "Berlin, Gate 16" just kept blinking at her and she couldn't stop imagining what it would feel like to get on that flight and go home - to return to the city she had grown up in. Even though she was realistically at no different stage in her life than she had been weeks ago when she had been comfortably living in her lovely New York apartment, she felt she was on the precipice of a decision that would alter the course of her life.

The exhaustion of the previous couple days was catching up with her, but everything ahead felt rooted in what she chose to do in this airport. If she got on the plane with Bucky she'd make the three hour flight with her head on his shoulder and probably end up holding his hand as they walked through the airport. He'd kiss her on the forehead before purchasing them train tickets and he would ask her if she was okay. He'd probably even kiss her goodnight and hold her as she fell asleep.

But if she chose to follow him, she'd choose the life of a superhero. She could see it in her mind's eye: her image plastered on magazines and her face on the news. She'd been through that before and hated every single moment. And again would begin the era of going from one fight to the next, except this time she wouldn't be able to escape. With a bittersweet realization she knew that if she went with him now she'd fight by his side for the rest of her life. But it would be harrowing, always an inch away from his death or her own.

Or she could go home. She could fly into Berlin and be in the city that she had spent a lifetime loving. She could find an apartment, get a job and rebuild her life there. It was silly almost, why hadn't she gone there before? Why was she living in New York when Berlin would always be her home?

The two realities sat before her, both equally alluring but the choice was obvious - she would choose herself. She would choose Berlin and hope that Bucky would eventually choose to come after her.