Heart of Glass / Z.M

4: yonaguni

Zayn's POV

It's uncommon for Alia and I to be mad at each and much less have an argument but there's always a first time for everything is the saying. Especially when it comes to relationships but I wasn't expecting our first time fighting to be like this.

The reason is so ridiculous I can't believe we're arguing over it. But one of us has to do the realistic thinking. Makes me wonder if this lifestyle is really for Alia or if she's embraced it to be with me.

Regardless of the reason it falls onto me the matter of her safety. If anything were to happen to Alia I'd never forgive myself. But it doesn't help that she has little regards over her own life and safety making it all fall onto me among other things.

I see the broken phone on the floor and sigh because now I have to get Alia a new phone. At the same time I'm really looking at myself from a different perspective. Ashamed if I must put it in words because when have I been one to break a women's phone.

It's been awhile since I lost my temper like this. The fact that it happened with someone I'm trying so hard to not hurt. After everything Alia has done for me she doesn't deserve this out of me. I wonder how I'm gonna make up for this but something else starts weighing in heavily into my thoughts.

Being completely honest it's something I've tried to put down deep inside with tremendous effort. The more real it gets
that I'm going to see Alina it's like all these memories want to flood in. I've done at good job at storing certain things away while others I can't. Lately the image of her sleeping in my arms back in Greece pops in more than ever.

I wonder why that memory is the one that sticks out more than others. Not that it matters anyways but I'm still curious. I suppose there's another part of me that I bury even further than the memories who's even harder to deal with. That's the one who's curious.

I've made that part of me who wonders if she's ever thought of me in these past few years as small as possible.

A meeting with the Montgomery's face to face is inevitable but I'd be the biggest liar to not admit it makes me nervous.

Seeing Alina in pictures isn't the same as in the flesh. Right away it was noticeable in images that she's grown up into an even more beautiful woman. She's kept the same jet black hair color all these years and has become a fan of colored contact lenses apparently. There are signs of cosmetic surgeries as well but nothing too dramatic. I'm able to tell because I knew her face before and I've been around woman in this world long enough to know the difference. Overall she's physically the same but the eyes are a dead giveaway.

The energy they project let me know she's not at all the same girl I might have known a long time ago. I have a feeling that part of the coldness in her may be my doing. I abandoned her after getting involved which is something I should have never done.

I do hold anger over myself for that but I am proud that I never looked back. Even though there was many many times that I had wanted too I didn't. At the beginning I would check in every 4 months to see if she was still with Derrick.

A few months after their official wedding I noticed a closeness between them that hadn't been there before. Even though I knew it was a strong possibility I didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did. The next time I saw them it was confirmation and I stopped checking in. Even though I had been gone two years at that point I hadn't lost focus of Alina.

Once I made the decision to cut myself off completely it was hell for a few years until Alia. At first I couldn't believe I was seeing her again after all these years. Especially since there's never been much I could find from my past and I did my extensive search after leaving Zerrick.