what's your favourite colour? ours are blue and brown
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I WANT TO SAY THE PAST FEW DAYS since the date and what I'd like to call intimacy with Valeninto have been bliss. I want to say that the next morning he had his arms wrapped around me as I nuzzled into his chest breathing simultaneously. I want to say when he woke up he showered me with light kisses on my neck to wake me up. That I had hope.
But I can't.
I woke up that morning with pain between my legs and a cold emptiness next to me. And throughout these couple of days it seems he makes his best efforts to avoid me. My chest felt heavy with shame and embarrassment, like I'd just been used. All these thoughts raced through my mind, did he regret it, was it just for him. It feels as if the date never happened, the conversation never existed. In our quick moment together he made me forget all those traumas. Some of us are against the world type shit. But the us seems like just me and my child now. Since he only expresses his concerns through other people to me.
But the weight that lay on my chest that morning was relieved when I chose to push forward, distract myself with planning and organising Christmas with Gabriella. Keep it all at bay. Which is what I'm doing no sat across from Gabriella on the Island we had finally run through all the reservations before confirmation. She had been understanding without my need to explain, agreeing my family is now their family.
"Okay, so everything is arranged. What time are the people arriving to decorate the house tomorrow?"Gabriella asked, nose deep in her organiser.
"In the morning around 9." I confirmed, nose deep in my own.
"Have you spoke to your father yet, about everything?" She asks, looking up into my eyes. I shake my head taking a deep breath.
"I will call him and explain the plans for Christmas, but I won't tell him about the engagement or baby until I see him, in person" I sigh, rubbing my stomach in comfort. The thought of having to explain it all caused my nerves to jitter. I had barely been able to keep in contact because of the drastic changes and the fear of lying to them. They'd notice straight away if something was wrong.
Gabriella watches as I fight with myself in my head but she doesn't say anything, she just nods and turns from her planner to her laptop. I clear away my laptop and planner, deciding better now then later to call and inform my father. Telling Gabriella I'd be upstairs, I trudge upstairs, my doubts like a thousand weights on my feet. Arriving in my room, I flick my laptop open, deciding to quickly purchase the gifts I have planned for everyone, finally stuttering at Valentinos, but still choosing to add it to the cart. Finally finished with my searches I grab my phone, scrolling through my contacts until my thumb hovers over 'f', my father being the first. I remind myself everything will be fine repeatedly before hastily tapping his name, the phone beeping. With each beep I pace back and forth with anticipation, thinking of everything to say until a gruff voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and every planned phrase with it.
