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touch was a powerful thing. the fervent contact between one person an another sends spiralling ripples down one's nerves. being raised in a solemn household with the absence of nurturing guardians, jeongguk wasn't familiar with the concept of touch. the warmth of human skin, the suppleness of flesh. he wouldn't know.
somehow, being with hyerim, jeongguk learnt that touch could be comforting, and touch could hurt.
it was a cold slap to his face that stung like dry ice, sizzling, smearing him in disgrace. the small girl who hit him barely had half the strength he did, yet it felt like she'd simply taken a sharpened dagger and dragged it across his cheek.
but he knew very well the hurt he felt was little to nothing compared to the pain of betrayal that he had convicted her to.
"jeongguk..." hyerim said, her voice was tiny, but weighed heavy on his guilty heart. she lay on the bed as if she had no energy. her collar was still unbuttoned, revealing the remnants of his kisses.
jeongguk sat with his cheek prickling and his eyes burning as he held back his remorse. hyerim covered her eyes with her tiny hands, her reddened lips parting, as she heaved slowly.
"you kissed me here... and here... and here... and here...what does it all mean to you?" she asked, hands held to her lips and collarbone. jeongguk didn't know how to answer. he gazed at her, how small and naive she was, how beautiful she was, how kind she was. kind enough to help him understand the love in his heart.
and all he felt was penitence, the kind of remorse that trickles at the back of your throat like sticky tar, rendering you unable to function. his heart had shattered, the rest of him followed suit.
she shakily placed the tips of her fingers on jeongguk's lips. "do you love me?" she asked.
her questions were backed by a pair of dark, jaded eyes that stared at him and peered right through his very soul. her breathing finally calmed down, pacing up with his. in unison, their breaths reigned the silence. all leading up to one moment...
i love you.
i love you so much, that i look forward to your smile, your laughter, your anger, your tears. i look forward to all of you, because i love you so, very much.
"i'm sorry," jeongguk said. and that was all he said, because there was no other reason he could give for treating her as he did.
with his gravity-drawn shoulders painting a picture of the sorrow in his heart, hyerim saw in his eyes that he was sorry. she wanted to trust him. but with the tingle of his lips lingering on her skin and the unyielding strength of his large hands, she was so... scared.
