Dying Wish

[4] Small Heart Attack

There was no way of knowing what happened to Alice. Or, what she'd done. If anything, I woke up the next morning determined not to let what I saw the previous night bug me. The denial I clung to must've been some kind of mental barrier. My hopeless attempt to keep the events from yesterday, events I enjoyed much more than I expected or was willing to admit, pure.

I made conscious reinforcements, too.

Those crumbled in no time, beginning with my commute.

No matter how I told myself getting off at Clearview was an act of business as usual, deep down, I knew the truth. I was avoiding the Alpha platform. Something told me returning the way I left last night would stir my baseless suspicions. As would going near the cemetery or Alice's house. I avoided both. What I did instead was get coffee.

When I stepped to the counter, Gary was saying, "Thanks for coming to Smiley's," to a leaving customer. "Enjoy your coffee." He turned forward, blindly. "Welcome to— Gray? Oh, no... Here it comes..."

"Pretty Boy," I said mockingly.

He sighed, "Ok..."

"Or is it, 'Coffee Boy'?"

"Air quotes. Nice touch."

I turned to a smiling 'Employee of the Month' photo. "My foot. You know, you must think you're all that, don't you?" I said. The winner of the award rolled his eyes lightheartedly, smiling nonchalantly. It was always like this; I could shoot Gary with insults for days and never hoped to pierce such a flawless armor of cool. He even threw in a comment, about how being nicer to him wouldn't kill me. I wondered as I paid.

While I waited, my eyes wandered to the wall of windows. Something was going on. To be more precise, vans were whooshing by, one after another. I timed them. Every three minutes or so. Odd.

"Carmel Latte," Gary said. He placed the drink in front of me.

Warmth seeped into my fingertips. Another van went by. At the same time, the swing of the door brought a brisk wind. Our bodies recoiled. This was the volleyball team's doing. They walked in as a tight pack. With their newest honorary member.

The pressure in my chest lightened. She was ok.

"We'll get on line, ok, Alice?" Hannah shouted.

"I'll be right there," Alice called out while walking over to me. Alice wasn't cutting the line, that would be blasphemy during the rush. I was off to the side, lowering the lid from my lips to see her face. A brief exchange of good mornings prompted her fingers to curl at my chest. "Gray, let me see your phone for a sec."

"My phone?" I extracted the device. "What's wrong with yours, Alice?"

"It doesn't have your number," she said.

I flinched. Alice didn't notice. I hoped.

Her careful fingers were busy tapping a green button, correcting this grave error in the cosmos. Alice confirmed the buzz in her pocket was my number. "Great." I was able to have my phone back. Do you know I was still reeling a bit? Because this— what Alice just did— does not happen. Ever.

No girl walked up to a boy in their school and requested their number. Especially not the kind of girl that looked the way Alice did. The kind of cuteness a beanie and scarf didn't hide but magnified. Alice had no idea what she'd done to my reality. Up until this point, I was sure all girls were— to a certain— extent born blind. To what exactly? To the plight of the typical teenage boy.

To the dutiful time he'll spend toiling, thinking of the right thing he'll say in the right way to get the right response. And that is— or rather it must be— "Sure. Here's my number". Anything less than this was an unacceptable failure. He'll practice this hundreds of times in the mirror before testing it once. So I've heard, anyway. In this game, I went for more of a "It's not really that big a deal" kind of vibe. I never altered this much since it worked more than it didn't.

But Alice didn't know this about me. She couldn't have. Our relationship was still way in its infancy. Excuse me. Not out relationship, our friendship. Something else she decided we shouldn't waste time establishing slowly. Being around her made your head spin. It made you weak for air. I realized then Alice was a fierce force. Nothing anyone could do or say would change this.

Hence, her statement...

"I'll text you the plans when they're decided."

I said, "The plans?"

"Well, yeah. Yesterday was you. Next time will be me. I have to return the favor."

"Alice, you don't have to. I think you want to."

My response softened Alice's super hazel eyes. They lowered and fled. Dampened were her cheeks of cream with a squirt of blood. They'd become pinkish now. All these things replaced the cheerfulness of her voice with a bashfulness. "So what if I do. I mean, that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Right?"

We were in a crowded coffee shop, but that was for my ears only.

"Not at all," I smiled.

I was too happy to torture her.

Back was her usual light self, with a sweet smile on her face. Alice waved, saying while returning to Hannah and the other girls, "Be on the lookout, Gray." I waved back, telling her I would be. I left out the part about looking forward to it. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect parting.

If only it ended there.

Someone yelled, "Look!!"

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