Dying Wish

[15]

I turned.

"What?"

"I wonder if that would work," M.M. muttered. He noticed the confused look on my face "I'm an oncologist. That's a cancer doctor. I've taken on a new patient. About your age. Needs to be told. We usually let the parents do most of the talking when we break the news, but this couple, they're in denial. So it's falling to me. How'd I do? I was going for direct."

"Well," I said, panting, "you hit the mark!" My body let out a heavy sigh and that slowed the bounce in my chest. A different heaviness then spread within me. My eyes dropped onto the table. "Those papers..."

"His medical history, his family's medical history." M.M. grabbed a paper. "Test results. I can't articulate how much I loathe this part." Those glasses had been off for a while, but it was only after he rubbed his eyes did I notice how tired he was. "Such a pain."

"How much time does he have?"

"Hopefully, more than I have to tell him."

"It's that bad, huh?" I said.

M.M.'s tongue clicked. "Inoperable never means good." He chuckled.

For me, the hardest part of this was the mystery. His patient, did I know him?

If so, from where? And if not, would we have met in the future? Those ideas fluttered into my mind for some reason. I had something I wanted to ask M.M... I glared with eyes that told him he wasn't leaving without answering me.

"God or Death..." 

M.M. took a sip. 

My scowl endured. "Your patient. If things turn out the way you say, whose fault is that? Is it God's fault? If God gets all the credit for the beauty in this world, what about all the sorrows? Where's his blame when your patient is six, not sixteen? Because we all know everything about that is wrong. Or, is that a glitch? Does thinking God has better, more important things to do make you humble? How angry would I be if I told you that was a lie?"

My fists balled. Then trembled.

"What if... I was God?" I whispered.

I cleared my throat, to steel my voice. I continued.

"What if I had l the time, just never enough power? That I spend my days hiding in a coffeeshop while the whole world spirals beyond my control. What if I told you, I made Death the scapegoat for all my weakness?"

"Huh, sounds bleak," M.M. said, spinning the cup. "Living in an inoperable world. But I'll play. Just for the hoot." He cleared his throat. "So, assuming I believed in such things, tell me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you're trying to discern a good guy from a bad one. Death is the unfortunate servant of a fraud called God. Hmm."

Impatient, I said, "Well?"

M.M. smirked. DING-DONG!

I followed him onto the curb, his folder of notes tucked under his arm. I was ready to tackle him if he tried to cross the street without answering my question. Luckily, he stopped. He looked up and down the street. Something was over our heads.

"HEY," I shouted.

"Where are those clouds?" he said, squinting. "It's April, isn't it?"

I raised my forearm to my brow and looked up, too. Only someone as miserable as M.M. could find fault with this clear blue canvas. I let myself get too distracted. I never saw it, the moment M.M. looked left. I barely heard his warning.

"You've got incoming," he said flatly.

"Incoming?"

I turned into a full speed collision. The force spun me three times. I had the presence of mind to root my heels into the concrete. Otherwise, I— no, we would've flown into the crosswalk. My body was heavier.

There was a soft cushion squished into my chest. A muscled vice wrapped my waist. This weight clung to me like a vest. The smell of a green cardigan, this chestnut color in my periphery. My neck went to crane back. I wanted to see her round face, but the nibble of my earlobe told me "No, not yet." There was a secret she wanted me to know. Hannah told it.

"Ladies, gentleman, the newest member of the Girls' Alpha Volleyball Team." I hid my smirk in her hair. She giggled in my ear and pulled me closer. "Alice Westerly." A barrage of thunderous cheers and clapped hands rained down around us.

I put Alice down. Her left arm stayed around my neck, my right hand pressed the small of her back. I looked at Hannah and the rest of the team, and said, "So, she made the cut, huh? How about that." Alice tried to cover giggles with her wrist, but they leaked through. I'd never seen her so excited for so long. 

"I never doubted she would," Hannah said. "It was a total score." Her hand went up and popped against Alice's. "We were going to get some frozen yogurt to celebrate, but she was all like, 'I have to tell Gray!'"

"So, I was like, 'Ok, we'll tell your boyf—' our tense bodies parted— 'then we'll go.'"

There went Hannah's big mouth.

I rubbed my neck, "Yeeaaaah."

"I-It's not like that, Hannah," Alice said, blushing. "I already told you that." Eager to shift away from Hannah's giggles, Alice asked me, "I thought you'd still be working, Gray. What are you doing out here?"

"I am, I am. I was talking to—" I turned and pointed to, well, nobody.

Where was M.M.? Roaring down the street in his car. I watched it shrink under the cover of a freshly blossomed grove. Alice saw his face; she was probably the only one on her team to get a good look. Everyone else was too distracted by the sound. Alice would ask me about him. "Just a customer," I'd tell her.

DING-DONG!

"Gray, there you are," Eli said, peeking onto the curb. "We've got work to do." Yeah, the floors weren't going to clean themselves. Alice promised to text me when she finished with the team, so we could walk home together. I told her no, I could get home myself tonight. We had the whole summer to be together.

The most important summer of my life. My very last one.

CHAPTER 6 IS OVER

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MORE TOMORROW!!