Dying Wish

[25] Premonitions

School was back. I know, terrible, especially for a junior like me.

College applications went out the coming fall. In other words, the grades you achieved this year had the strongest influence on how thick your return envelope would be. Most everyone would be going somewhere. Still, a toxicity of anxiety was in the building. Looming. Suffocating.

I suppose the elevated stress levels had everything to do with expectations. Either internal or, for many, external. Many of my classmates made their list a long time ago. What list? Where they were applying, of course. And on that list, toward the bottom, contained the fallback schools. Places they'd pretend to be excited about getting into.

Any decent list addressed other criteria for choosing schools.

Such as—

The big school vs. small school crisis.

Picking an urban school vs. a suburban school.

Get as far away from your parents as possible or stay near to do laundry.

Go somewhere affordable or go into crippling, crippling debt.

Other factors played a role in this decision-making process, as well. Do I have the clothes to suit the climate? Or the car to get around? Everyone toiled over the biggest concern: what if I land a weirdo for a roommate? Which is arrogant. What if you're the weirdo, huh? What, then? Food for thought.

My point is, being an upperclassman brought all these new considerations. The difference a summer can make.

The cafeteria was where this stressful energy festered the strongest. See, throughout the day we dispersed. But at lunch we crashed together. Take the table I was at around late October. I started sitting with a trio of guys named Kyle, Aaron and Peter. I'll be honest, it was kind of cool having people to save you a seat in the lunchroom. No more sitting wherever.

Lunch was the time for cathartic complaining. Today, Aaron was doing more than getting a little something off his chest. He was having a meltdown. A "hands on your head like a grenade was about to go off" kind of meltdown. "I FAILED SOO HARD," Aaron whined. Physics exams were notorious for doing this to students.

"Pretty sure I crushed it," Peter replied heartlessly. He bit his sandwich to the sound of Aaron's wails.

"Not helping, dude," Kyle replied. "Don't worry, pal. It'll blow over. Gray, you remember what you put for 25?"

"25? What question was that? The rocket or the baseball?"

"Rocket," Kyle said. "I thought it was the hardest question. All right, then. Let's all say what we got at once. If we all say the same thing that means we probably got it right. It'll also give us an idea of how well we did on the other stuff." I guess that made sense. What were the chances we were all wrong?

And if we knew the difficult stuff, then we probably did ok on the easy stuff. I was in.

"All right," I said. "On three?"

We all took a breath.

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"A!"

"Uh, C?"

Our voices overlapped three to one.

Aaron bawled. "My life's ruined! I'll never graduate, I'll never get a job, I'll end up homeless for lifeee!"

"That escalated fast," I muttered. I looked at Kyle and Peter's puffy cheeks and pinched lips; they were trying to keep the urge to laugh inside. I know I swallowed a chuckle. Not well enough.

Hearty laughter exited my body. We all laughed, including Aaron. We were so caught up in this, the weight applied to my shoulder took me by surprise. Peter alerted me, saying, "Hey, Alice."

I turned a little to the right and, like how a parrot puts its face inches from a pirate's, her face was inches from mine. The interlace of Alice's fingers both laid across my shoulder and perched her chin. She stared with such a giddy grin. Oh, I knew this playful energy. She was keeping something inside.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," she replied. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Colleges," Kyle said.

"And being homeless," Aaron cried.

"Where do you think you'll apply, Alice?" Peter wondered.

"To college?" Alice said. "Oh, I'm not really sure."

"I could see you going somewhere overseas," I said.

Alice cocked her head to the side. "Really? Huh. I guess that would be fun." Disinterested in my meaning, that playful grin leaned in again. She said, "The Halloween Carnival. Are we going to that?"

"Good question..." 

"Pleaseeee."

"That's right," Kyle said. "You transferred last winter. This would be your first."

"Sure would be," Alice said.

"Don't let Gray mess with you, Alice," Peter said. "He's going. Everyone goes."

"Sarah was telling me. The teachers go too. Sounds like so much fun."

"A haunted house goes up in one of the parking lots," Aaron added. "It's pretty sweet."

"A haunted house? Gray, we're totally going!"

"I thought you came over here to ask," I said.

"Yeah, before I knew about the haunted house! Hey—" Alice started to rip the guys for details about the Carnival, which they indulged. I couldn't, I was too busy zoning out. I lasted like this until Alice said, "Right! I need to pick out our costumes, Gray. This'll be so much fun!"

I stood.

"Alice—"

"Uh-uh. Gray, this is a done deal. No complaints will be serviced at this time."

"Right."

I grabbed my bag and walked away.

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THAT WAS A SHORT CHAPTER... HMM... THAT WON'T DO!

ENJOY THE NEXT ONE WHENEVER!