Mentor or more? / Natasha Romanoff

Chapter Two | Part One

After an awkward ride home you walk up to your room and flop onto your bed. It doesn´t take you long to fall asleep as you´ve been awake and tripping the whole night, which was kind of exhausting. But before you close your eyes you promise yourself to not take any drugs anymore and also to get to the root of Natasha´s hatred for you.
Four hours later Tony knocks on your door. “Hey kiddo, dinners ready!” he says, popping his head into your room. So she hasn´t told him. Nice.” I´m not hungry Tony, but thank you.” You reply groggily. “Well okay. I´ll leave you something in the fridge if you change your mind.” You smile at him while he leaves your room and closes the door. Suddenly you remember something about last night. You´re leaning against Natasha´s chest. Her heartbeat steady and calming. “Зачем ты это сделал? Почему ты оставил меня?”  She mumbles against your head. “The hell was that? What was she saying?” you sigh as you talk to yourself. Now is the moment you regret not learning any other languages except English, German and a little Spanish, particularly you regret that you never studied Russian.
You try to remember the exact words to google them, but it´s all really blurry and your head starts to hurt from all the thinking. You debate on whether you should get up or continue to lie in your bed. You decide to get up and take a shower as you can smell yourself. Gross. You walk into your bathroom and lock the door to your room.
“Friday, please play my spotify playlist.” You call out and the A.I. does as she´s asked. You start stripping and hop into your shower, turning on the hot water. As you wash your hair you hum along to your favorite song. You let your thoughts wander free as you stood there, the water running down your body. That was until someone barged into the bathroom. Didn´t I lock the door? You jump.
“Get out! What the hell!” you yell.
“Hey, not my fault you can´t lock the door for whatever reason.” Natasha. You sigh.
“Please, can you just go? I know I´m hot and that basically anyone would love to see my naked body, but get out. Now.”  Your voice is dripping with sarcasm.
“Oh just shut up. It´s too late now anyway and I have to pee.” With that said the room goes quiet until Natasha flushes the toilet.
“Now that I´m here anyways, whatever you did yesterday, don´t ever do it again or I´ll kill you myself. Whatever you might think is so bad that you have to go running around taking drugs, it isn´t. Especially if you´re pulling Wanda and Peter into this.”
With that she left the room. Her voice was cold and it made you think. Am I really a bad influence on Wanda and Peter? God, of course I am. Your thoughts take a dark turn. At some point you even start to cry.
“I´m sorry. I´m so so sorry.” You mutter. You repeat it, again and again until you can´t keep your sobs in anymore. Your emotions overwhelm you and everything you had bottled up slowly starts spilling.

A/N: BIG TW SH!!!

You don´t exactly know for how long you have been in the shower, but it must´ve been a while as slowly the water started getting colder, which you didn’t even think was possible considering you lived with Tony Stark. You had no intentions of getting up or out of the shower though. There were only two things on your mind, one of those things being drugs. As much as you couldn´t stand Natasha you honestly were too scared of her finding out and actually hurting you. But you would never admit it. Your other thought brought your eyes down to your hips, your countless scars spread across them. No one´s ever seen them, but they were there. You don’t exactly know when you had started with this “habit” of yours, but it only got worse over time.
You don’t want to do it, but you kind of do. There is this feeling, nagging at you to just give in and to release the pressure. You try to hold back but as your sobbing continues your strength lessens. After what feels like eternity you reach up to grab your razor and place it on your hip. You push the blades into your skin, with as much pressure as you can bring up. Soon you can feel a familiar stinging and as you look down you can see blood mixing with water. You repeat your action for about 2 or 3 times, enjoying the pain and satisfied with the running blood.
After you´re done you just sit there for a bit, before finally standing up and turning off the water. You´re weak. You did it again Y/N. You blamed yourself in your thoughts. You wrapped yourself in one of your towels and stood in front of the big mirror. What happened to me? I used to be so happy and now? The door slams open again.
“Finally. Get out. There are others who want to shower too.” The spy barks at you.
“Also Wanda asked for you, but I told her you´re grounded and can´t leave your room, as I decided that´s your punishment for yesterday. Now leave.”
You just unlock the door to your room and go. You don´t have the energy to pretend being confident and sassy like you usually do. Now lying on your couch you turn on your comfort movie and decide to text Wanda and Peter that you´re sorry.
You fall asleep pretty soon after, still crying.
The next two weeks were quite boring as you didn´t leave your room very often. Wanda often texted you to make sure you´re okay, but quite frankly you aren´t.
Ever since that night Nat had grounded you, you’ve been in a hole. You still are. You haven´t changed in 4 days and are currently lying on your carpet reading. You read a lot, trying to escape your reality. You thought living with the avengers would be so cool and exciting, but with Natasha around it was just torture. You often skipped dinner with the team to avoid her. You just can´t put up with her hate and anger towards you right now. Luckily Tony being Tony, he always brings you food up to your room and makes sure you drink enough. Sometimes he even stays to watch a movie or to just make some mindless conversation.
He reminded you a lot of your dad with his caring and loving way.
Your phone blinked. “Movie night. Be down at 8. Nat said you aren´t grounded anymore.” It´s Wanda.
Do I really want movie night? You sigh before texting back Wanda that you´ll be there, even though you aren’t really in the mood. Maybe it´ll cheer you up. You get up making your way into your shared bathroom. God you hated this. Why did it have to be her, you´d rather be sharing with Strange or worse, Banner.
You stepped into the shower, turning back to your now more usual habit before drying off, putting on your favorite sweater and combing through your hair. You brushed your teeth the first time this week and it already made you feel so much better. You feel fresh and your spirits are somewhat lifted. Before you leave the bathroom you catch some strange noises. They´re coming from Natasha´s room and somehow they concerned you. It sounded like she was groaning in pain. You considered your options but you worried that something bad happened, and as much as she disliked you, you wouldn´t like to know she was hurt. You slowly opened the door to her room and when you saw what the cause for the groans was you gasped audibly. Fuck. There she was, her beautiful red her sprawled across her bed and Carol was hovering above her. Wait Natasha´s bi? And Carol likes girls too? Wrong time. You chuckled, retreating into the bathroom yelling about a thousand ‘sorry’s before you could hear the black widows death threats towards you. You gulped and threw yourself onto your bed. About 3 minutes later you could hear your door slam shut.  “Nat, hey” you said trying to sound confident. She walked over to where you were and threw her hand up in exasperation. You flinched at her movement, but as you realized she wasn´t going to hit you, you tried to cover it up. She looked at you deeply, and for a very short moment you thought you spotted concern in her face. But it was gone as fast as it was there. “Why did you flinch?” She asks, her tone serious.
“I didn’t”
“Yes you did. Did you think I was going to hit you? Lord. You´re fucking annoying and a brat and what the hell were you even thinking when you walked into my room? Have you ever heard of priva–“ you interrupt her.
“I was worried okay? It sounded more like a groan in pain than moaning. And as much as you dislike me and therefore I dislike you, I wanted to check if everything was okay.” You state simply.
“Yes but don’t ever do that again. I can look after myself thank you.” Her voice was cold, almost dangerous. “But as I was saying, I wouldn’t ever hit you. Did anyone ever, you know, hurt you?”
“Why would I be telling you? You´ve made my life a living hell ever since I got here. You don’t even like me, why should I tell you anything.” You spit out. The way she seems almost caring now confuses you. For a brief moment you can see hurt flashing in her eyes. She gets up and walks towards your door.
“I´m sorry.” And with that, she was gone.
Later that day you walked into the living room and when you got there you were greeted with many hellos and how it was great to see you after you had spent so much time in your room. You tried to look for a free spot, but the only one available was on one of the couches between Wanda and Natasha. You sigh. Why? Just why do I have to sit next to her of all people? Right on cue Wanda scooched closer to Nat, freeing the spot on the right end of the couch. You smirk. Are you in my head miss Maximoff? She nods.
When everyone else was sitting in a comfortable way and the usual arguments about what movie it would be had died down, the intro to the first Harry Potter movie starts playing. After a while you get comfortable on Wanda and lay your head on her lap. She starts massaging and scratching your back, which is great, but you feel like you´re being watched. As you look up to Romanoff though, her eyes are focused on the movie. With your closest friend massaging your head you can feel your eyelids getting heavy. You fall asleep fairly quickly.
The next time you kind of wake up you can hear people whispering. “It´s fine, I´ll take Y/N. She´s directly next to my room. Just carry Wanda to hers.”
Shortly after your head is lifted off of your best friend´s lap and into someone else's, but you don’t bother to open your eyes. You can feel someone combing through your hair with their fingers and a quiet groan escapes you in your half asleep state. Seconds later the combing stopped. “No!” you mumble groggily and try to reach the hand that was in your hair seconds ago. You can hear a soft chuckle. You snuggle closer to the person on whose lap you´re laying, and you feel oddly comfortable.
“You know, I really am sorry. I meant what I said.” It´s Natasha. Am I really in her lap right now? If so, why don´t I mind?
She continues: “You haven´t done anything wrong. I know that as much as you do. It´s just, you remind me of someone I lost a long, long time ago.”
“This Yelena person?” you mutter quietly, just so she can understand you.
“Yes. You remember?” you nod. “Who was she?”
“She was in the red room with me. She kept me going when I didn´t want to anymore. That place was uhm really dark, but somehow she made everything so much better. After we got out things changed. She got into some shady business, drugs, weapons, etc. Nothing worse than what we did in the Red Room, except for the fact that she lost herself. When she realized and wanted out, it was too late. I tried to help her, I really did. But I was too late, she was just- she was lying there, covered in her own blood, shot between the eyes. And every time I looked at you for the past month, I was reminded of that image. I know its not your fault, but I just needed time to learn how to handle it.”
You sit up, opening your eyes.
You don’t know what to say, or how to even properly process what she had just told you, so instead of trying to talk you just hug her, and to your surprise, the spy hugs you back. You can feel her grabbing your hand, she squeezes it three times. You don’t exactly know what she means with that but you squeeze back anyways.
“Thank you for telling me.” You whisper after who knows how long of you hugging. “Is there any chance of us having a fresh start and becoming friends?” you ask her.

“Yeah, friends. I like that” She gives you her usual half smile.
“Okay then, wanna watch a movie? Also can I call you Nat now? Natasha is like such a long name. Or Tasha? I don’t even know, but I think I like Nat better.” You start to ramble. She chuckles.
“Calm down. First of all, no nicknames. No one calls me a nickname. Only Steve and Clint are allowed to, but yeah we could watch a movie but please not here this couch is killing me.” You nod and get up, making your way to the elevator. On the way to your room you try to convince your new redheaded friend of the nickname thing but her only reply as for now was:” Why? Don’t you like Natasha?”
Now standing in front of your room you feel kind of awkward, and Natasha knows, but she doesn’t comment on it. Instead she just walks into your room and flops onto your couch. You make your way into your bed and turn Disney+, looking for your favorite movie. But when you landed on Frozen 2 you could see the black widow smile for a second and therefore decid it is a great time to watch it.

“Y/N?” Nat´s voice cut through Elsa´s singing. “Yes?”
“Do you have any powers or special abilities?” Your heart sinks. You dreaded this question since the day you got here.
“No, why would you even think that?” You ask faking a small laugh. “Not to be dramatic or anything but your hands glow in this orange gold color and it just seems super-power-ish.”

You look down at your hands, and she´s right, they´re glowing. No no no no. This can´t be true. Why now? “Natasha, get out of here. Right now! Please” you beg.
“What is going on? Your file said NOTHING about powers!” She exclaimed pretty loudly.
“SHHHH!” you shushed her. “Not so loud, no one needs to know. Please.
I´ve kept them secret for so long. I just don´t want to hurt anyone.”

A/N: Hi sorry this is so short. Im in the middle of finals and thats all I managed between work and studying and I didn't want to make the few reading this wait any longer:)
Im sorry for every mistake (grammar or writing) as I may have stated before, english isnt my first language...