So This is Love

Chapter V

ARA

3:25AM. Hindi ako makatulog. Tatlong oras nang dilat lang ang mga mata ko. Tatlong oras na rin akong nakatingin lang sa space ng kama ko kung saan nakaupo si Gabbi kanina. Did she leave her soul around here somewhere? Why is she keeping me up at this time? Bakit hindi siya mawala sa isip ko? I was doing fine without her for years. Nagparamdam lang siya, nagkagulo na naman.

She didn't know she can easily get on my nerves. She was never too careful with the consequences of her action. She even kissed me a while ago. Goodness gracious. Worse, she even professed her love to me. Ibang klase rin talaga siya mang good time. Baka bored o nasobrahan lang ng inom. There's no way na maging totoo lahat ng sinabi niya. Even if it was real, I don't want her to be a part of my life again.

I cursed to one as I turned around the bed. I licked the bottom of my lip and shook the thought out of my mind.

Isang salita lang naman ang gusto kong marinig galing sa kanya. Taon rin yung hinintay ko na mag-sorry siya sa ginawa niya sa akin noon. Kinalimutan ko na yung nangyari, but a sincere sorry coming from her would've been better. Nagsorry naman siya, lasing nga lang. I don't even think she'll remember it by the morning. At bakit inabot ng ganito katagal bago siya magsorry? Did the alcohol made her realize the stupid things she did to me?

So, what is the sorry for? I bet Gabbi refused to include that part on her story because let's face it, she's guilty. Kung ikukwento niya man sa ibang tao ang dahilan kung anong nangyari sa aming dalawa, I bet she'll only say that we drifted apart, ganun. I think she'll even skip the part where we briefly dated. What about the story in between?

Here goes.

We were inseparable during our first year in college. You see, Gabbi is a fine young lady. Maganda, mabait (at ngayon ko lang napagtanto na mukha lang pala siyang mabait). Matalino rin siya. Galing probinsya, pero palaban. Miss Congeniality rin, maraming kaibigan. Tropa pa nga ata niya lahat sa department namin.

I was the quiet, reserved one. People easily get intimidated by me, maybe because I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Si Gabbi lang yung feeling close sa akin. I was open to my family about my sexuality. At sa kung paano ko ikwento sa kanila si Gabbi gabi-gabi (lmao), hindi ko na kailangan pang aminin sa kanila na nagugustuhan ko siya.

Nung isang araw na nakapag ipon na ako ng lakas ng loob, inamin ko na kay Gabbi ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. YOLO, pre. Pinagtawanan niya lang ako. Sana hindi na lang ako nagsalita. YOLO pa. The good thing is, we still remained friends.

Nung mga sumunod na araw, mas lalo kaming naging malapit sa isa't isa. We don't really talk during class, goal kasi naming pareho na maging dean's lister kaya naka focus talaga kami sa klase. After classes, makikita ko siyang nakaupo sa bleachers na may dalang tubig habang hinihintay nya akong matapos sa volleyball practice ko. Sabay rin kaming umuuwi pagkatapos. Wala siya nung mismong araw ng volleyball tryouts ko dahil kailangan niyang umuwi sa kanila. Nung binalita kong hindi ako napili, wala siyang sinayang na oras. Bumalik siya agad galing probinsiya para sunduin ako sa school. She did her best to cheer up my sorry ass that night, kahit 10pm na nun at kailangan na naming umuwi dahil mag pe-prelim exams na kinabukasan.

"I'm proud of you. I will always be your biggest fan in everything you do."

I still remember how it felt like when she kissed my forehead that night. Naaalala ko rin kung paano niya inamin sa akin na nagugustuhan niya rin ako. And I know by the look in her eyes that she wasn't lying.

YOLO, indeed.

To cut the story short, we started dating, secretly.

Finals rolled and finally, it was the end of semester. May pakulo na socialization night ang department namin nun. It was a Sadie Hawkins dance, a dance where women can ask men instead. Iba rin yung trip ng department namin nung mga panahon na iyon.