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･:*:･ﾟ★ ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆,｡･:*:･ﾟ★
"My parents invited us to spend my birthday with them back home." máire balanced herself on the edge of the whole foods cart as aaron inspected bananas, "they're going up to norn iron for the holidays — family tradition."
"i'm honored." aaron looked over at her for a brief moment from where he stood. he raised his eyebrow lightheartedly at the sentiment of being invited to the family home. he looked back down to the fruit stand in front of him to switch out the bundle of bananas for another. "you still have your house there, then?"
"sort of." she answered, leaning over the edge of the handlebars to balance herself like she used to do in the supermarkets with her mother. "it was my nan's, where mum grew up — right on lough neagh, out in the wee country. we spent our summers there."
"charming." aaron amused, as if nostalgic. he could imagine her as a child, chasing fionn around some garden in the irish countryside. sitting on the counter in the kitchen of an old white georgian farmhouse during the summer, wrapped in a towel and wet from the sprinklers outside. playing cards with her grandmother in the wainscoted dining room, racing her brother upstairs to their wallpapered floral bedrooms.
máire hummed a small hm in agreement. "you don't have to come, if you don't want." she offered in an attempt to be nonchalant, looking down and shaking her head absentmindedly."i know you'd have to change your flight to la, it's probably a whole hassle."
aaron recognized the offer she was making, the way out she was caveating for them both. he knew she wanted to pretend like it wouldn't bother her, but it was deflection. that was her default when she was anxious. there was still something lingering from that night; it was obvious in the she caution she held around him now. aaron recognized the behavior — she always wanted to make sure that while he had one foot in, the other foot was out.
"máire, i promised i'd be around for your birthday. doesn't matter if it's london or ireland." he reassured her, tying a produce bag around his fingers. máire's glance followed as he put it down in the cart, "i'm sure there's plenty of flights out of belfast to london."
the blonde girl had come down off the trolley then, walking over to another stand of produce on the other side of the isle behind him. her back was turned so that he could only see slight parts of her face when she looked back in his direction over her shoulder. even then, her gaze was cast mostly down towards the ground. "right, yeah, course. i —"
"if you don't want me to come, you can tell me, you know. i won't be offended." aaron tried to reciprocate her offer, giving an inch to get an inch. it was the last thing he wanted, but it would help him assess the situation
"no, that's not — " máire paused again, quietly sighing as if giving in. she turned around on her heels to face aaron again, shrugging. "i just didn't want to bother you is all. it's still an inconvenience."
aaron nodded slowly, biting his tongue in thought as he turned back to his own stand of fruit and máire went back to perusing the empty isle. in a moment of impulse, he looked up at máire — who was now across from him, only slanted displays of apples and apricots between them — and asked; "is this about the night of the podcast?"
"no." she answered, nearly to quickly. she shook her head, letting out a sigh of manufactured bewildered. she broke into a nervous smile of false confusion, "why would — "
"before, you wouldn't have even had the thought cross your mind that you'd be an inconvenience to me." he looked down, examining the granny smiths. his words came across more as though he was talking to himself, trying to fit together a puzzle in his mind. he paused, and then glanced back up. "there's still this anxiety; you and me. at some point we're going to have to talk about it. we should talk about it."
máire raised an eyebrow at him, and then held up the fruit she was holding. "i'd literally rather rip my throat open eating this pineapple whole."
"máire — " aaron sighed, turning his body to watch her as she started walking around again to bring the pineapple to the cart. he continued, "all of our friends have noticed. your brother has started to notice."
she stopped the side of the cart, which aaron now stood at the helm out, and placed the pineapple in it. "my brother noticed that night. if he hasn't said anything yet, then he probably won't when we're 'round a dinner table with our parents." she turned to aaron, one hand on the edge of the cart while her foot rested on the bottom rack, "look, it's none of their bloody business anyways."
she began to walk away again before aaron reached out, grabbing her arm to stop her. she sighed and let herself be turned back around to him. "stop for a second, will you?" he asked, and máire looked up at him in a stare he couldnt discern. "i just — we haven't really talked about it since it happened. we're both walking on eggshells, and at this point i think we should rip the bandaid off to say what's left. somethings obviously bothering you."
"the anxiety is what's giving me anxiety. the only thing that's bothering me is having to think about it," she finally admitted. they hadn't been miscommunicating, they just hadn't been communicating at all. that's what bothered her, it was like they were afraid of each other. it had been the worst feeling in the world. "because you felt bad about it and affection makes me awkward and it's entirely weird for both of us. you don't have anything to feel guilty about, and i need to stop worrying about whether not i'm a bad kisser — "
"you're not." aaron interrupted, without thinking. máire laughed, he laughed. the tension broke. she leaned down, her forearms pressed on the edge of the side of the cart.
"see. and i don't want you to feel bad about it. i'm good now, it was just weird." she looked up at him, an ernest look in her expression. "we're both just spinning our heads around in circles worrying about it each other when we're both over it."
aaron tilted his head and squinted one of his his eyes shut, "you don't look so good."
"because we're discussing our saliva swap in sainsbury's." máire rolled her eyes. aaron laughed. she reached up to push back against his shoulder, "you've got me flustered, twat."
"alright." aaron gave in, still smiling from teasing máire. he held up a cantaloupe, "melon?"
máire sighed over-dramatically, rolling her eyes but still in an almost sort of teasing way. "yes, please."
✧∘ଂ ࿐ ཾ
authors note! pls don't bully me on the northern ireland detail in this chapter, i know some of you live there; i promise i'm trying my best! if you do have any suggestions on how to make it seem more authentic though etc, feel free to message me or whatever! i'm just an american out here doin my best to not seem as painfully american we usually seem!
