youth, aaron taylor johnson

li. phonecall

incoming call from aaron!
✧∘ଂ ࿐ ཾ

"you know when i told
tmz i'm single, that changes
nothing about you, right?"

aaron could feel himself holding his breath, rereading her texts in the group chat over and over. he was laying in his bed, staring at his feeling, slipping into his anxiety. was she pissed at him? publicly announcing he was single with a massive smile on a sunny day in la— she had ever right to be.

"i thought you were
going to bed?"

maire straightened her posture on the coach in the noon sun of london, shifting her legs to tick them underneath herself. she could sense his anxiety. it panged in her chest with worry, she never wanted him to feel that way.

"i can't sleep without you
knowing that."

máire shrugged, as if he could see it. it was always this sort of cool reserve of máire's that took over in these sort of moments, the same reserve that washed over her when she was on a red carpet and the lights became overwhelming. aaron wasn't overwhelming, but her love for him was. should she be upset by what he'd day? perhaps. maybe it was foolish, however, she couldn't quite care.

"sure. i figured. but it's not
like it's not the truth. 'i love
you' doesn't mean you are
contractually obligated to
tell tmz that i'm your partner."

true enough, she thought. on the other end of the phone, aaron sighed; out of relief — out of uncertainty it was too good to be true — out of remembering the false pretenses he put up about his own feelings in past situations and never wanting máire to ever have to do that.

"you don't have to
pretend to be unbothered
by it if you're not, maire."

máire considered his words. she supposed that to an extent, of course she wasn't thrilled about it — this idea that they're relationship, whatever it was, was something to be kept a secret from the public. but it wasn't like it was a secret personally. lizzie knew, she was sure, fionn knew, her parents certainly knew even if they were too discreet to say it outright. it was something that should bother her, but she looked around her; at their shared apartment, at his notes on the fridge, at his things left still lying around the house. perhaps there was reason to be bothered, but it hadn't infiltrated her. it wasn't strong enough to overpower the feeling of how he looked at her. that was proof enough.

"i know. but i am.
unbothered, i mean.
not because i'm unfeeling or
over confident or something,
but in a — i don't know.
i trust you, i suppose."

aaron nodded, running his face over his hand. he still wasn't used to the feeling of his cold wedding band being missing from his left ring finger, but he didn't miss it. it was foreign, but good. everything about this was foreign and good. máire was something uncharted, yes, but she was also something he desperately yearned for. this was who she was, cool, far too cool for him — and it was something he had to navigate and learn. something he had to remind himself would be different, and right, in all the correct ways.

"okay. good."

he was steadying himself — matching her. he felt nearly foolish for worrying about it. máire nearly cringed at herself as well, the ineloquent way she expressed herself.

"that sounded lame when
i say it like that, sorry."

he shook his head, humming shortly. he stared out the window at la outside, wanting to be with máire instead. he'd been missing london — their flat, it's exposed brick and red kitchen cabinets, hugo, the comfort of the podcast studio, and even pedro — but it had mostly been her.