The Blind Artist (Frerard MCR Fanfic)

Chapter 20

*A/N: I am updating sooner this week as I wrote this chapter on my phone, if there are any mistakes I am sorry I will edit when I can- Thanks for all the support and I hope you enjoy the chapter as there are song references in it, first person to spot them gets a dedication!

Chapter 20

"Gerard. I am your brother." He says in a whiney muffled Darth Vader voice as he jumps over the back of the couch to sit next to me.

"It's been almost twenty years and you still can't do the voice." I grumble at him, he had not warned me of his impromptu visit, it had been a long time since my little brother saw me in just underwear- it was a bit of a shock to hear him barge through the door.

"It's been almost half your life since you hit puberty yet you still don't have balls." He tugs at my short hair that is beginning to fall awkwardly against my eyelashes making them tickle. "Where is Frank anyway?"

"He went out to get some ink for me." I shrug, he had been so intent on getting the right one, I was tempted to allow him to drag me out with him- but then I was reminded on the embarrassment and fear I get from just stepping out of the door. Not having a body part work the way it should, not being able to do something in order to function in everyday life, it made me feel maladaptive- useless. When I was a teen I studied psychology, for a day or two, I finished it because my teacher was patronizing and vindictive. We had studied forms of abnormalities although I disagreed with her work, she used the term 'mentally ill' too loosely making me jump and flinch every time she said it, but I learned that 'failure to function' was a part of being 'abnormal' and it hit me in the gut ever since.

"Wait- ink? You’re working again?" He asks with surprise in his voice, his hand rests on mine and I feel the warmth of his care. Of closeness and admiration.

"Sort of. I'm trying anyway, I guess I had to get used to this whole blind thing, I need my life back and I guess my art is part of it." I shrug, feeling a tug inside my chest, I had been waiting to tell someone other than Frankie- I wanted to show people that it wasn't going to change me anymore.

"But what if I told you it didn't need to be your thing anymore-?" He says cutting me off from the whirlwind of ideas that had started to form in my mind after being held back for so long. "There's been new research into cases like yours! Get this; this girl was in a car accident when she was a kid, same as you blind by connection but not by optic nerve... She is put into a trial surgery and a year later she doesn't need a cane or an arm to get around. Gee, if you do this you will finally back to normal- see what they do is reroot the damaged nerves and vessels so that the blood doesn't leak into your eye, the nerves are then connected from your retina to your optic in a totally different way meaning restored vision. Well not a hundred per cent, you'll still need your sunglasses when it's light because the retina will be too enlarged which makes it more sensitive..."

"Wait." I cut off his speech that had become too complex for me to understand, "You're saying if I get this surgery I will see again?"

"In theory, yes, obviously it has its complications and it might only be that they can restore the way the eye drains..." After his answer the rest just became a series of 'blah blah blah'.

I wanted to get it. No question. But I didn't. Something in my mind played on the fact that if I got this surgery I wouldn't need Frank anymore; he would go on to another job. I would be alone.

But if I got it, it meant that I could see him, I could finally look into his eyes, see his ink in full colour and detail. I could see the way the blush would rise on his cheeks when he was flustered or shy, how it would burn under my touch as I smiled in content. I needed him in my life. I couldn't face a world where I didn't have Frank in it, I couldn't sleep if he wasn't there to soothe away the pain, I couldn't eat if it wasn't made with the passion of the Italian in his blood, and I couldn't dream if it wasn't about him.

"I'll think about it." I mutter as a response.

“But Gerard if we don't apply now you might not-"

"I said I'll think about it Mikey." I snap at him pushing my hand through my hair as I get up from the couch pacing in the small space between the coffee table and the TV.

"I don't get it. This whole time you've been acting like a bratty bitch! You wanted your paintings sold, I sold them. You needed a doctor, I paid for him. You needed help, I got you Frank. And now I get you a solution and your blow it off!" An angry Mikey rushes at me, stern and stunned.

"I sold them so you could go to college! I paid you back for everything! Who has cared for you since you were born, who had to work two jobs so you had a place to live and could go to school- Huh? Me! Not mom, not dad- me! Life isn't a constant battle of owing someone back, there is no score in life... Sometimes we just have be there, live through it, we do what we can to survive and in the end life might just do you a favour." In my monologue I slump back down on the couch cradling my head in my hands hating myself for putting him through it all, through my suffering and his own, he didn't grow up with the experience I did. I made sure of that. But in the end it was just as bad- it had to be.

I jump when I feel the familiar touch of his finger on my cheek, it catches a fallen droplet of a salty tear, I didn't even realise I was crying. Tears of pain and release of why we boiling up inside of me. "I'm sorry." he whispers from my side.

"Come here." I choke on a sob as I pull him to me, tucking his head under my chin. "I never meant to hurt you. I can't look back, don't think I will, we can't change the past."

"You remember? The nights we'd lay awake- listening to the rain, it never seemed to stop. It's as if it knew what happened." He sniffles against my neck and I cradle him as if he was a baby, as if I was protecting him.

"It's like a part of ourselves we hold on to, as these days go by, we have to remember that no matter what no one can change us; we will always be inside of here..." I say holding my Palm to my chest above my heart. "If we keep that in a hearts then it won't matter how long we’ve waited for a love that’s more."

By the time Mikey leaves I have built up some of the wall I had let down when I thought about the past. I knew that I wasn't ready to bare my whole story yet, my true self, if I did I'm not sure if I could cope. It takes something special, it takes a kind of unknown strength to rise up from the ashes of our most jaded times and show through on the other side in multicolour.

I am still in my position on the couch when Frank comes home. He pauses in the doorway watching me, I can feel his eyes on me, till I turn my head his way.

“Come sit. Please." I tell him with a broken voice, my chest aches and my body lacks any warmth. I feel him move shakily and hesitantly as he comes to the couch positioning himself to start to sit next to me. "No. My lap." I catch him just as he's about to sink into the cool leather and he is instantly pulled to my chest. His arm around my neck and his side snug against mine.

"Frank?" I say softly.

"Yeah?" He says and it is the first he'd spoke since he arrived announcing he was home. I missed his voice, the twang he had hidden underneath it, the way he pronounced the 'y-u-e' part, formed more of a 'ye' sound... It was just him consuming me in ways I never knew existed, the only way I could. I mean something is seriously messed up for me to be hooked over a word, but man that word alone made my body torn at whether to melt or turn hard. F*ck focus Gerard.

"Will you go on a date with me?"

.... Silence.

A sharp intake of breath. The holding of mine.

He doesn't answer, if it wasn't for him shifting and fidgeting in my lap I would have thought the shock killed him.

And then I feel his lips on mine. Soft and light with a hint of a smile. Before he turns so his back is pressed to my front comfortable as he brings up the foot rest and pulls a blanket over us.

"Of course I'll go on a date with you." A smile breaks out on my face, I kiss to top of his head, releasing a sigh we cuddle in content.

And as if by magic I hear the sound of rain beat against the roof.