Fist Bump

Chapter 16

I had become this living zombie. Everyone gave me space and sympathy. The guys were all with me. They understood my pain and usually tried to give me sympathy and console me.

Ayisha and I had somehow become friends instead of a couple. She understood and respect my feelings for Jai.

"I should have guessed it." She said to me. "The way you looked at Jai was different." She shook her head. "But I guess Jai was a really good actor. No one would doubt that Jai was a girl."

Only a few people still knew that Jai was a girl. The guys and Ayisha. I asked them to keep it a secret. I did not want to start any nasty rumours. She and I lived in a room for almost three years anyway. So it was not good to give people things to talk about. And they kept their word. They did not tell anyone. That was the least they could do to honour Jai's friendship.

Someone from Gauri's company had come to take care of Jai's dropout formalities at the school. They came to clear out the room as well. I watched as they took away her stuff. It pained more than I had expected. To see her things being taken away was like someone ripping away something important to me.

I finally asked if I can keep something for her memory. They said 'feel free'.

I went through her things.

I finally settled for a t-shit that held her smell the most, and her single photo from her brown notebook.

I watched as they cleared out the room. And when they were done, I felt kind of half-empty like the room now was. The guys came to look at the room and Happy even broke into tears. I was glad he was crying. Because I could not. I was past tears. Now it just hurts deep inside somewhere. And it felt like it was going to last for some time.

Then...

Days went on without Jai. Time was cruel. It just goes on no matter what. So days stretched into weeks and months. Days and months without Jai.

Mom and dad came to visit me one weekend. I ended up telling them about Jai as well. About how she was a girl all along. They understood.

"And I guess I will study business management," I told my parents. "Because if survives all this, she might need my help in running the company. And I don't know how any 18 years old can run a company alone. So I want to be there for her. I want to be there for the people I love in my life. That's what my dream had been. Always." I told mom and dad.

They nodded. They understood me.

I tried to concentrate on my studies to distract myself and keep myself busy so as I don't feel the pain. It was easy to bury myself in my studies. I was doing about 500 maths problems per day now. I mostly refrained from going back to the room. It felt really weird to go to the room which did not have Jai in it. So I mostly stayed in the common room when I was in the hostel. Sometimes I even fell asleep in the common room while studying.

And when sometimes late at night, when I had reached the limit of studying, I lay my head down on the desk. But I could not fall asleep. That is when tears begin to hit again...

I missed her. Really so much... 

I sat looking at the sea on the beach. I was transferred to this beach house that was owned by one of the employees of the company. It was remotely located in Goa. I had no phone or outside contact other than the maid who comes to cook and clean sometimes.

I took the sand in my hand and let it drop through my fingers. I was still wearing my friendship band. It was something I asked for the first thing after waking up from the operation.