not just posting but also explaining the meaning and techniques and inspiration behind it, since I always feel insecure posting the pretentious bits on IG bc I don't want to look like a tool. so I will post that here and hopefully it can either hel...
Note: this is just my own experience. Don't whine at me on Twitter.
Health at every size, but what kind of inclusivity is that for the chronically ill? Health at every size? Bitch, I'm not healthy at any size. I could be 75 lbs, 160 lbs or 95lbs and I would NEVER be healthy, am I somehow invalid?
I've been all three and while being near death thin, normal thin, and obese, I felt about the same level of fatigue and pain. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a very loyal partner.
My entire life I had never gone above 100 lbs. in less than six months, I was over 150 due to the high does of psychiatric drugs I had to take. Before then, ive always been thin and I had never considered a diet, or exercise. So I took the L and decided it'd better to be fat than be dead and accepted it as one of the least lethal sideffects of the medication. Given that multisystem organ failure, brain damage, and coma are all possible with amount, I considered myself getting off easy.
Before that? Look. I am shorter than Danny Devito. I am shorter than Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance. If I'm small, that's kind of what nature intended. But thst had never, NEVER stopped people from making disgusting co.ments about my weight for my entire adult life.
You're too skinny. You look sick. You need to eat. You should talk to someone. What's wrong with you Go eat a sandwich.
And my favorite: Do you have any tips on how to keep going pro Ana?
(Assuming, that I in the first place, had an ED, then asking me for tips on how to make self starvation easier bc apparently 19 year old Vivien was a skinny legend.)
I've never been anorexic. That's the one disorder I don't have. But I would hear endless criticism on my weight, even if my BMI measures dead center normal!!!! Even at the weight I've been told to maintain by a doctor, I've been accused of having a severe, possible fatal, mental disorder. Granted, I DO have a possibly fatal disorder of the mental kind, but it's OCD and nobody expects OCD to nearly kill you, until it does.
It took me about 14 months to taper off of my antipsychotics completely. It took another months for the drugs to completely leave the fat cells in my body.
After that? I started losing weight. I'm back at where I should be. 95. I'm exactly where I've been told I should be. Everyone told me that I wouldn't ever lose the weight without dieting or exercising. It really was the medication. I have exercise and I refuse to give up pleasure.
Today I overheard someone whisper "you think she eats?" about me while out furniture shopping.
Never once have I gotten shamed for being obese. Never. In fact, when I weighed more, I got SO MANY COMPLIMENTS on how much better Iooked. Even when I was at a level that was, medically and objectively unhealthy, I was only ever told how great it was that I wasn't so skinny anymore.
I'm back to normal and the comments are back with vengeance. Though, I'm not really capable of being so thin anymore because I have A LOT of loose skin, its actually really gross.
Where is my thin privilege? Bc honestly I've only ever had negative comments about my natural body type, and positive ones from when my metabolism got fucked sideways by heavy doses of medication. Make it make sense.
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21 year old me complete with 2010's nugoth heels and noodle arms.
