not just posting but also explaining the meaning and techniques and inspiration behind it, since I always feel insecure posting the pretentious bits on IG bc I don't want to look like a tool. so I will post that here and hopefully it can either hel...
Is a fuckin dumb title for any book and a really bad one for a thriller novel but I've never had an actual title for it and in my head I just call it that and its been finished since 07 and edited into several new forms in the years since. I wrote it after I tried killing myself, because I was convinced by my abusive grandmother that I had murdered my dad, nobody in my family took ne seriously,I got sent to therapy for being a disrespectful shithead and my therapist suggested I write a book.
It was probably the most fucked up thing I've ever beheld, and thats coming from someone who gog banned from 2013 Era tumblr for my fanfic inwhich someone is held hostage and forced to eat their brother literally, then gets trained on the dinner table, killed, then eaten raw.
I haven't been able to see gore in graphic real life detail since my psychotic episode but watching snuff may have ruined me. I also used to watch legit torture (not animated) and for like, 6 years after that, I never wanted to get relations, when I finally got laid again, I threw my back out pretty bad. Like my teenage writing, it was peak cringe. Or as they said on Gaia online, epic fail. Don't fucking be like me, I'm a failure as a human being and I'm not even trying to turn it around.
I've since finished like, several original novels and novel sized fanfics, but Kale story will always be that magnum opus that nobody but my ex-boyfriend has seen and he said that the pages were fucked and my handwriting, while less bad back then, was still pretty bad and as such, he couldn't actually *read* it.
Is this story ever going to be good? No. Is it ever going to live up to the stupid amount of yrs of hype I've choked up myself with? No.
Will I ever post the manuscript to Yhe. Ballad of Dr. Kale onlinr,online, it entirety? Probably not.
Am I going to try to capitalize on y2k nostalgia and sell merch of a book I wrote 13 years ago and have since dithering over to an insane degree? A book, that for all practical purposes, does not exist ?Yes.
Tbh making ARG content and physical merch for Dr. Kale may be my only true motivation for ever posting it.
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