Werewolf's Grief (Werewolf Trilogy Book 2)

Kabanata 19

GABI na at napagpasyahan ni Fenrys na umalis muna ng Blaitheria. Gamit ang abilidad, nagtungo siya sa puntod ni Micaela. Pagkatapos nilang mag-usap ni Midnight ay medyo naliwanagan na siya at paunti-unti na rin niyang tinanggap ang mga sinabi ni Wish sa kaniya no'ng nakaraan. 

His guilt and confusion . . . Kaya niya nararamdaman ang mga ito dahil hindi niya pa natanggap ang pagkamatay ni Mica. Umaasa pa rin siyang makakasama niya itong muli kahit na alam niyang imposible. No'ng dumating si Ana sa buhay niya, palagi niyang binabalewala ang nararamdaman dahil pinipigilan niyang mapalapit sa babae.

He disregarded his feelings because he didn't want to let go of his past. Gusto niya na doon lang siya. Dahil nandoon ang kasiyahan niya. Sa kagustuhan niyang manatili sa nakaraan, nalilito na siya kung ito ba talaga ang gusto niya hanggang ngayon.

"Mica," bati niya. Hinaplos niya ang lapeda nito. "Ang tagal na rin no'ng nawala ka pero kabisadong-kabisado ko pa rin ang mukha mo."

Umupo siya sa damuhan. He didn't like his pants getting dirty, but he could make an exception just for this moment. What was more important was to deliver his feelings well.

He wanted to be honest. No more denials. No more hesitations.

"I was too attached to you. Kahit ilang taon na, pinanghawakan ko pa rin ang pangako ko sa 'yo." Niyakap niya ang sariling tuhod.

Binalewala niya lahat ng mayroon siya ngayon dahil sa pangako niya. Pangako na akala niya'y hindi niya mababale. But destiny was really unpredictable. It gave him something that he didn't ask for. Nang dahil doon, nabale lahat ang mga pangako niya kay Mica.

His lips formed a small smile. "Sa simula pa lang pala."

Sa simula pa lang, alam niyang hindi na niya matutupad ang pangako niya kay Mica. Pero ayaw niyang aminin sa sarili niya. Ayaw niyang makalimutan si Mica. Para sa kaniya, ang pangako niya at si Mica ang pinakaimportante sa buhay niya. Nang dahil sa pangakong iyon, pinagbawalan niya ang sariling sumaya.

Because of that promise, he overlooked something.

"Back then, you have always wished for me to be happy, right?" Napatawa siya nang mahina. "I'm so caught up with our promises that I forgot about being happy. I'm sorry."

When Ana came, he started to live untrue to his feelings. Ayaw niyang aminin sa sarili niya. Ayaw niyang umamin na unti-unti siyang sumasaya sa piling ng dalaga. Pakiramdam niya kasi ay magtataksil siya kaya araw-araw, palagi niyang pinapaalalala sa sarili na si Mica lang dapat ang nasa puso niya. But no matter how hard he tried to push his feelings away, like a sprout of a seed, it just kept on growing, trying to reach the surface where there was happiness. A safe place he knew he could flash a smile.

He wanted to be with her. He wanted to be happy again. His little self was longing for Mica, but his present wished to live with Ana.

Tama nga si Wish. No wonder he kept on staying at the middle. However, this time, he was ready and he came today to say it properly.

"I'm sorry but I no longer can't keep my promise to you, Mica." He didn't want to deny his feelings anymore. He wanted to be honest with himself.

At alam niyang ito rin ang gusto ni Mica.

"I will try to live again so I'm leaving the little Fenrys to you. I-I'm . . ." he paused for a moment. Tumingala siya at tiningnan ang mga bituin. "I'm letting you go."

Pagkatapos niyang sabihin 'yon ay pinakiramdaman niya ang sarili. Akala niya'y kikirot ang puso niya pero hindi. Instead of a heartache, he felt serenity. The mist covering his head disappeared. The beating of his heart felt like an aftermath of a heavy rain. It was calm and spacios.