Dirty Little Game ♠ Professor Lupin

Eleven: My Dear Thoughts

I stopped seeing Lupin as often as before. There was no specific reason for it. Nothing has gone wrong between us - we both knew what we were doing. One of us more than the other, but I wasn't going to change that.

I didn't tell him about Ryley. I figured it wouldn't help any of us. Christmas break was just around the corner and my friends were losing their patience. They kept asking me about my progress, giving me advice which I didn't need. They were starting to get on my nerves, even Lupin noticed.

He tried to improve my mood as much as he could. It was really sweet of him. He seemed to stop over thinking and was just enjoying what we had. Thanks to that whenever I entered his apartment, I was in a different world. No one was watching me, no one bothered me, no one gave me any problems. It was just me, Lupin and our talks.

Usually we would spend evenings lying on the couch, cuddled up to each other and doing whatever we wanted. I didn't like routine, but with Lupin I seemed to be discovering my second personality. If any of my friends saw what I was doing, they would say it wasn't me. The Ethel they knew didn't lie under a blanket in the evenings, she did crazy things and couldn't sit still. But with Lupin it was easier. I didn't need anything else. Besides, I mentally prepared myself for what awaited me at home.

We learned a lot about each other. Not only did he tell me about himself, I also shared the boring story of my life. It was then that we noticed from what different backgrounds we came from. His parents, from the way he talked about them, seemed to be nice and loving, creating a good family for him. Mine were cold and soulless, but pretending to be a perfect family. His friends were like his brothers, mine would abandon me right after I graduated from school.

When he noticed I was good at his subject, he shared his work with me. Once a week, usually before the weekend, we would hang out over hot chocolate and with a pile of papers waiting to be graded. Once, when grading the works of the fifth year, I got so tired I fell asleep. Lupin let me sleep, and when I woke up I found myself wrapped in a blanket and with a tray of food on the table. He said I overslept for dinner, but he didn't want to wake me up.

I was starting to get lost in what I was doing. I often forgot what I was actually doing it for. Spending time with Lupin was nice, I didn't feel like I was forcing myself to do it. As if me, the real me, wanted it. All the rumours about him turned out to be untrue and it was bothering me more and more. For my own sake, I should be able to separate my private life from what I was doing with him. But it was getting more and more difficult.

It started with kisses. Suddenly I began to see him in a different way, I noticed all the things that made him handsome. I was attracted to him. I couldn't believe it myself but it was too obvious to deny it. When he was giving a lesson, I would sometimes lose myself watching him. When he touched me, my skin burned under his fingertips. When he kissed me, I forgot about the whole world.

Good thing he didn't kiss me very often. Lupin was still reluctant to take things further. The more I pushed, the more he resisted it. I tried to tempt him, make him break down, but it didn't do any good. When I came to him in a plunge-neck top, he threw his sweatshirt at me, telling me to change.

"You won't be walking around my flat dressed like that." He said, looking me straight in the eye. I wanted to laugh at him, but I held back, changing my strategy as we spoke.

"Okay, but at least let me use the shower." I haggled with him.

He grimaced, but pointed at the door leading to the bathroom. I smiled and tiptoed to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing behind the door. His bathroom wasn't big but spacious and most importantly, it had a bathtub in it. My dormitory bathroom had a shower. Only in the girls' bathroom on the second floor was it possible to soak in the water, but because of the moaning ghost, I've never been desperate enough to use it.