Dirty Little Game ♠ Professor Lupin

Thirteen: Husband Material

I jumped away from Ryley as if I was burned. I looked at Lupin, who was standing just yards away in his faded cloak, Gryffindor scarf and with hands in his pockets. His gaze darted between me and Ryley.

He spoke first, "Nothing was happening. We talked."

Lupin's brows rose. "Really? I could hear you all over the street."

I froze. I was pretty sure he heard too much, more than I would like. His face was the same as ever - the corners of his mouth raised in a pleasant expression, a curious look. There was no indication that he knew, but on the other hand, he knew how to lie.

"We just finished." I said, giving Ryley one last snide smile. I walked over to him and snatched my bags from his hands. Without a word, I turned on my heel and started walking in the opposite direction, hoping to get to the castle quickly.

I heard Lupin saying something to the boy, but after a while he caught up with me. "Are you okay?"

"No." I stated, still feeling emotions buzzing inside me. "And I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm not going to force you." He said quietly, "But I think that would be a good idea."

I looked at him briefly. His hair was ruffled by the wind, cheeks red from the cold. He looked at me with a concern that touched my heart.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I gave him a half-smile, which he immediately returned. "You're right. And thank you for saving me there."

There were lines around his eyes as his smile widened, "Any time."

I recognized the road that led straight to Hogwarts. My visit to Hogsmeade was over, I didn't feel like spending any longer here. Lupin didn't leave my side. "You don't have to come back with me."

"I'm going to escort you straight to my office." He assured, pulling out his arm for me to take. I checked behind me. Most of the people seemed too preoccupied with themselves to pay attention to us. Besides, we were about to be out of the village. I gladly wrapped my hand around his shoulder.

I didn't want to talk about it, but I knew it was inevitable. There was no point in dragging it out and pretending to be stupid, I had too much respect for Lupin. That's why I asked this question straight away, "What did you hear from my arguing with Ryley?"

The polite smile didn't leave his face. "If you mean whether I heard the part about me, then yes, I heard that."

My gaze fell on my boots breaking through the snow. The fact that despite all this, he wasn't angry with me or offended or he didn't blame me, was both surprising and terrifying. Why was he still nice?

"I'm not mad at you for telling him about us. I wish you didn't, but what's done is done."

I lifted my head so fast I almost broke my neck. "You're not?"

His smile seemed relaxed, his eyes worried. I didn't know how to read him. "It doesn't mean I'm happy with it. What if he tells someone? You don't seem to trust him very much. What if he gets pissed and we both have problems?"

Only then it hit me. I doubted Ryley was capable of doing something like that, but he's only a boy, and a Slytherin for a reason. What if he wants to take revenge? Or will he use it to convince me? Or even worse - will he tell my parents? Cold sweat covered my skin.

Lupin continued, "And from what I heard, you have plans to get married."

"I'm not gonna marry him." I said right away. My blood was starting to boil at the very idea. "I have standards."

He seemed amused. "And by these standards you mean me?"

It didn't even occur to me that he might have thought I was saying no to Ryley because of him. What was he actually thinking about our relationship? Did he think I was in love with him? That I wanted to outsmart the system and then marry him and have a bunch of kids? In fact, I never even thought through my made-up motives. But I've always been careful not to say the magic words "I love you". It would be pathetic.

I didn't want to answer him directly because what was I supposed to say? Yes, I love you so much that I don't want others? No, you're not important enough? If so, what was I doing with him?

"I don't expect you to understand me, but let's just say an arranged marriage is not what I dream about." It was weird talking to him about marriage, relationship. Uncomfortable.

"Ah, now I understand the part about parents and blackmail." He sighed. "Let me guess, they want you to get engaged traditionally, before you finish school?"

"They got a little antsy." I admitted. The fact that Lupin seemed to understand my situation was surprisingly reassuring. "Ryley intimated he liked me last year and as soon as my parents saw that, they went crazy. According to them, he's the perfect candidate."

"And what do you think?" He asked, his voice not different from normal.

"Do I really have to answer that?"

"I would like to hear you say it."

"Fine." I muttered. He knew I didn't like to talk about feelings and other crap. "He's a cool guy. Pretty, nice, rich." I saw his smile fade with each word. "Seems to be the perfect husband material for some upper-class doll, that is for me. But I don't want him and his traditional ways." He looked at me. His eyes were full of tension. "I want something real."

He gently pulled his arm out of my grip. I thought I had offended him, but then I saw we were approaching the castle. This man was forever on the alert.

"I'm so done with this life. I'm sick of my own parents. I'm their only child and I think that's why they're such a control freaks. I must be the ideal daughter. There's nothing in between."

"They must be blind not to notice that you're already ideal."

I didn't know what it was, but when he told me such things, his words made me breathless. I bit the inside of my cheek. How does he do it?

Our eyes met. "You're worth more than this. You are not a pawn in someone else's game, and I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel differently."

I struggled with breathing. I stared at him with my mouth open, forgetting about such a mundane thing as oxygen. I was experiencing so many feelings at once that I was unable to recognize any.

"I hope you find someone who knows how to love you."

It hit me. There was a certain bitterness in his voice. He said all these beautiful things having in mind that I wasn't his. He sounded like a child who had to give someone else his favourite toy.

My heart was beating so fast I hardly felt it. I summoned all my courage and said softly, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

His gaze lingered on my lips for a moment before he looked away. The atmosphere between us was thick, almost palpable. We had just crossed the threshold of Hogwarts and my own feelings were consuming me.

So much has happened in the last two hours. I had a brief but intense argument with one of my friends, possibly splitting our group in two. I found out what she really thought about me, and although I suspected everyone in my circle of friends of such thinking, saying it right in my face was something else entirely.

Plus my conversation with Ryley. Probably his parents were pushing him too, so he lost his patience with me and tried to convince me in every way he could. This in no way justified his behavior and I wasn't going to forgive him for what he said.

And there was Lupin. Kind, forgiving, caring Lupin. I found solace in him. He didn't question me, didn't look down on me, didn't even expect anything from me. He took everything I wanted to give him and didn't complain that it wasn't enough. He really was something I was grateful for and wasn't even aware that I needed.