MINE

Chapter 20: Loss...

(Sorry the chapters have been a bit short.) (This chapter continues of the theme of miscarriage)

It's 4am and I just woke up, I looked to Jeremiah who was still asleep and decided to go downstairs to get some water. I was told to be on bed rest for a week or so but it should be alright as I'm only getting water. I got up and with struggle left the bedroom.

The house was utter silence which was new as usually everyone's rushing around and being busy. A part of me wants to forget what's happened and move on but I know that can't happen, Harry's dead, Amy's gone, m-my.....without realising a tear was slipping down my face as I walked down the stairs.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water, it was cold outside but I didn't care I still went outside and grabbed a chair and sat next to the pool. I couldn't go back into the bedroom where Jeremiah was, he said it's not my fault but lately everything seems to feel like my fault, like everyone knows but out of pity doesn't say anything.

H-Harry was so kind to me, even when I was off having a strop of being stubborn he still laughed about it. Amy and him didn't deserve this, they deserved a future together.

I sat and started at the moon as I was in deep thought. Nobody should have to deal with me when everyone seems  to be happy. Louis is Louis, quiet but loud when round friends, I heard Parker has a crush on someone in the mafia that he works with although apparently he's been shutting her out since yesterday. Lucas and Noah I feel the worst for, Harry was their best friend and now he's just gone, Wesley asked Camila out yesterday before...everything. And Jeremiah's got work and friends like usual.

I hasn't been long since Harry's death but I know their lives will be put on hold like usual because of me, I wonder if I should just leave and let them live the lives they could, I mean Jeremiah's been through so much but somehow all his pain seems to lead back to me. Should I leave and forget the life I have hear to start a new one?

The more I think about it the more it seems better, yes, Jeremiah and everyone would attempt to look for me but not if I tell him it's for the better. He won't realise at first but he would live a better life if he didn't have to deal with me, all of them would.

By now it was half 4 if I wanted this to work I need to leave now, because the second everyone wakes up there's no hope of me leaving. I quickly walked inside placing the empty cup of water on the kitchen side. I walked up the stairs and into the room I was originally staying in before I slept in Jeremiah's. I kept reminding myself while I was throwing in the essentials I would need until I go back to my old apartment that Jeremiah would move on and find a woman he loves and have her children while Grayson and Hailey would raise Kenzie with a better life.

I wasn't planning on staying in my apartment as I knew they would come looking for me there. After throwing enough clothes in a suitcase that I would need until I get to my apartment, I quickly ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook and grabbed a pen writing:

Jeremiah

Please don't come looking for me, I want everyone including you to move on, forget about me. I want you to find a woman your in utter love with, have her children and raise them to be just like you.

I'm not doing this because I want to leave, I'm doing this because i need to leave. When you brought me here I hated everyone, and I despised you more but these people became my best friends, you became my only love.

But with deep thought I remember I've put you all through more pain than 3 lifetimes.

The pain will ease, one day it won't hurt anymore. Please, forget about me to start a new life.