No Need to Sleep Living in a Dream (Boy × Boy) ✔

CHAPTER 8: The feelings for you

Evan Cooper

"Because I have feelings for you." The words slipped from Evan's mouth before he could stop himself.

The shock on Junior's face was evident and he even dropped his fork to his plate to prove a point. For a prolonged while they just stared at each other, trying to process what he had just said and what it meant.

"Why?" Junior whispered.

"Why what?" Evan asked, frowning.

"Why would you like me?" Junior continued, his eyebrows knitting together like he couldn't tell if Evan was making fun of him or not.

"Do I need a reason?" Evan pointed out, but as Junior just kept staring at him expectantly, he added: "I guess I fell for you when I saw the person you've been hiding behind all the anger and rough words."

"Well, you shouldn't." Junior mumbled, averting his gaze.

"Why not? Because there's no way you could like me back? Because you're not gay?" Evan suggested.

"No, it's not that." Junior breathed and glanced up to meet Evan's gaze. His eyes were full of sorrow, like the thought of someone liking him was too much for him to bear.

"Then what is it?" Evan asked softly, barely remembering how to breathe. He had never been shy, but for some reason his hands were shaking and nervous anticipation filled his gut.

"I always fuck things up. I'll just end up hurting you, like I've hurt everyone else I've ever cared about." So that's why Junior looked so sad.

"No you won't." Evan protested.

"I will." Junior sighed and lowered his eyes again. "And you shouldn't waste your time with someone like me. I'm leaving as soon as I graduate anyway."

It was like all the rampants were ripped down, and Evan could see the bereft and battered up boy in front of him without the layer of anger and hurtful words.

"It won't be a waste of time, as long as it's with you. Look, I don't even expect you to like me back — but you should at least try to see what it's like to let someone care about you." Evan said.

"I'll think about it." Was all Junior said and he even shrugged to make it seem like he didn't care, but Evan could see he was fighting a smile.

***

It had been nearly two months since Junior had promised to think about Evan's offer. He hadn't said a word about it ever since, but he didn't need to use his words, when Evan could see his answer in his actions.

Junior was still foulmouthed, but he didn't get into fights. That alone was a big change for him, but even bigger a change was his new attitude towards Evan. Junior still called him with pet names instead of his real name, but somehow it seemed softer. Evan was still a jock, but he was the most bearable jock he knew.

Junior still mostly kept to himself, but a few times he had surprised Evan with a crumb of information: how Paul had been in a bad mood and thrown a remote control at him. Or babbling about his work at the animal shelter. Seeing him so excited about it made Evan's heart melt.

One day Evan had asked Junior why he didn't live with his mother instead of his poor excuse of a father, Junior's explanation had torn his heart into pieces: "Mom is gone because of me. She never wanted to have a child, so I ruined her life. That's why Paul hates me so much."

Every time Junior told something about his family, it was like a kick in Evan's gut. Every time he thought things couldn't have been any worse for Junior, it turned out they were. Evan no longer wondered why Junior was acting the way he was, but rather how he could still be standing after everything he had been through.