chapter ten
back home!
⊱ ────── .⋅ ❈ ⋅. ────── ⊰
🌌
"IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?"
Yugyeom calls her attention and slips his fingers in between her cold ones. Preoccupied and muddled with lost thoughts, Lisa was floating in her own world. His prior question shock the line out of point for her. It was sudden and unplanned. It's like water bathed her back to reality, pulling her out from the paper dream she brought to them.
She had no reason to answer.
He squeezes her palm, her head turning, almost with no regard. "Lisa? You okay?"
They were wandering by the shorelines. Done from a shower, just indulging the warmth of the sunset. Her loose white dress and his opened polo was ruffling with the wind. All they can hear is the sound of nature, eventually becoming like them. Found and pacific.
At least that is what he thought for them.
Lisa nodded, leaning to place her head on his shoulder, but million of thoughts were running embattled in her head. "More than enough."
As the sun sets, they were hooked staring at the wide horizon, unmoving and silent. Lisa steps back when she felt the tip of the small waves touches her, looking down at her buried bare feet in the pale cream sand. "Even if you won't ask it, I'd still say I'm fine."
Yugyeom holds a sigh, was about to cut her off from her words but ends up showing a hum of discontent.
"I asked if you were okay. Be honest, it's for yourself, not for me."
Her hair rushes with the amiable wind, blowing in the south like how her heart would like to rest. She is torn between choosing a good life for the both of them—what would happen if she say yes to him? Would it change everything?
Would it fix her? His relationship to his brothers? Would all knots be entangled or twist further? The risk is too high to calm down from a tidal.
"If I'd say I'll be going home, would that be okay to you?" her voice was too cheap, low like a restrained murmur. His face contoured in hesitation.
"Back home? What do you mean? If you go back home I'll go, too. So soon?"
Lisa tries again. "If I go home, I'll stay there for the rest of my life. But it also means you won't be there. You don't have to join me in a dream you are chasing—I don't have a place there."
He lets go of her hand, sweeping his hair out from his face. "My home is your home too. Nothing is going to change. Where do you want to go to college? I'll be there—I can transfer. There's always a way."
"Yugyeom, you were given a full scholarship to your dream university. There's nothing left to lose. And what I meant for back home is Thailand. Not yours. I will be leaving the place that brought me hell. I don't have a future there anymore—I'll be going back to my homeland. There's no reason for you to be there."
"Yes, there is!" he lets out a yell. Him, enraged at someone was an understatement. He rarely, never shows any rage and anger. Not even for Lisa. His full face was breaking in a plead. "Please don't say it like we won't be seeing each other again. You will be my reason why I will be there. You don't want me there? Is that it?"
"Yes! If that will make me sleep in peace, absolutely. You are depriving yourself from your own dream because of me. You don't even get mad because of me. And you have to be angry sometimes or else people will take you for granted. Do you even understand? There is no great life for you if you are with me." Lisa retorts back, eyes reddening in self hate.
They paid no mind about the upcoming dark of the dying sunlight.
Yugyeom wanted to kneel, to surrender what is left for her to stay. "But why does it feel like I am living the best life when I'm with you?"
"It's only temporary, Yugyeom." she shed tears like a ranging storm. It's not possible to stop. "All this will run down into waste if you face the reality. We're not going to do this forever. And I have a life to fix. You have a relationship to mend. You don't have to give so much time for me, I'm not worth any sacrifice."
"But you are worthy of my time, Lisa. And if you want time for yourself I'll give it you. No second-guessing." Yugyeom wraps her in a warmest embrace, tight and secured, a comfortable gesture. Both unwilling to break apart. His kisses on her head puts her uneasy to let go.
They both needed this—one way or another.
With a shy determination, Lisa slips her hand inside her dress' single pocket. When she retrieves her hand back—his phone was laid into his hand. "Your phone. It was never missing. I hid it. You have every reason to be angry to me now."
He swam into her brown eyes, like she seeks his comfort and company. A window to her closing heart—he tries to imagine the details of what could his future would look like with her. It's a window made of bright iris, a constellation of upcoming tears to fall.
He wouldn't want to trigger their downpour no more.
"Even if you'll break my heart a million times, I'd still not plant any anger to you. You don't have to try so hard to convince me."
The sound of waves crashing onto the land matches the cries she's been holding all month. It was free-falling, adamant and breaking. She is falling apart too.
"No calls, no messages. I will detach myself from the modern world. I want that. Is that okay?" She asks, and she felt him hiding his face between her damp neck.
"That's too fucking hard, Lisa. I can't live like that. I'll miss you too much." But there is no place for being selfish now.
The hand that was holding his phone snakes it way to her waist, holding her closer, longer while he still can.
"Yugyeom," she whispers—more to her heart than him. I love you so much. Lisa wanted say, but could not find the will, not to a time like this when she's vulnerable. Instead, she bid a farewell—that weights all the lost battle from the past time.
"See you when I see you."
🌌
"BABE, THEY'RE HERE!" Seohyun yelps in glee, slapping her fiancé's back to get his attention from getting another nap in the waiting area of the airport's gate. "I told you they'll never missed our wedding!"
The lady ran to meet the dispersing passenger from the current landing flight. One look for Yugyeom and she immediately point out his stance and tall figure coming his way to them. Seohyun also can't wait to see Lisa to come into the picture.
Weary eyes, disarray hair, Yugyeom slips out a tired smile and hug her lightly to greet. "I'm not late for the wedding am I? It's three days from now, right?"
Seohyun casually asked, looking up from his fair height. "Where's Lisa?"
Kyuhyun could tell, from the looks his brother is giving, the forced brightness he is radiating—has something to do with a missing lady his brother adores.
He took a step forward, reaching his brothers shoulder and wrapped him in a strong hug. A hug they both needed—a hug that could somehow heal. A pat on Yugyeom's back and that is where he broke.
"I'm sorry I couldn't take her home with me." He melts into Kyuhyun's arms—defeated and small. Like how he used to comfort him when they were kids. It was heart-rending. He wanted to take all the pain away from him.
Yugyeom comes home straight into his older brother's arm—kneeling, with tears as a souvenir.
