eccedentesiast || severitus

chapter six | broken

TW: brief mention/reference of sexual child abuse.
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Harry felt numb. His entire body was cold, and he distantly felt himself shaking, but there was nothing he could do about it in that moment.

He screwed up. Big time. He let Snape see him scared, frightened, and fragile, and now that's one more thing for the man to use against him.

Harry has learned from a young age that being fragile, letting others see your weaknesses, only causes more pain for you. He's learned that letting people in, never works out in the end.

His Uncle made sure to teach him that lesson, made sure that it would stick to him for the rest of his life. One day, when he was seven, he was cooking lunch, while Aunt Petunia and Dudley were out shopping. He had burnt his hand, badly on the stove, and he had cried. He cried because he believed his Uncle was in a different room. That he couldn't hear him. But he did.

Harry had never jumped up so fast, but his Uncle didn't berate him for burning himself, didn't call him weak or a freak for not even being able to even cook lunch properly.

No, instead he came in the room, a sickly-sweet smile on his face, and walked towards Harry. He had pat him on the head, told him it was a good effort, and he had helped heal his wound. The rest of the day Harry had spent on the couch next to his Uncle, watching the telly, while the man told him all about his new job.

Harry was stupid enough to believe the man had changed his mind. Had realized that Harry wasn't a freak, that he was just a normal boy.

He finally thought he had someone.

But, he was wrong.

The man had helped him cook dinner, but then as soon as Harry went to sit down with the rest of the family to eat, his Uncle pulled the chair out from under him, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, and threw him in his cupboard. He didn't let him out for a week. And when he did, he told him just how ungrateful and stupid he thought Harry to be. 

He had said Harry was so easy, so gullible.

That's the reason he would never even dream of letting Ron and even Hermione find out about his struggles, his burdens. Because the second they find out, the second they see how weak Harry truly is, they'll leave. They'll turn on him.

They'll hurt him.

And he doesn't know how much more hurt he can take.

But he was sure to get tormented even more in Snape's class now, he just knew it. The only thing he could do was apologize to the man. Apologize for being weak, for making him calm Harry down because he was being selfish and fragile. For not being strong enough to at least to have a mental breakdown in the privacy of his dorm bathroom.

He looked up at the man, who was now staring at Harry, looking almost as lost as he felt himself.

Better to just end the situation here.

"I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to freak out like that. I-I apologize for making you waste your time on, er, on me. I know you have much more important things you'd rather be doing. I wont let this happen again," Harry said, an embarrassed flush creeping over his face. He really made a fool of himself, and the man was sure to make fun of him and scold him now.

But he didn't. Instead, his Professor sighed, rubbed a hand down his face, before he stood up with an audible groan. He looked up towards to sky, then down at the boy.

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter. I don't waste my time on anything. I was merely doing my job as a Professor to watch out for my students. You just happened to be the student out and about tonight," the man said, annoyance creeping over his features.