eccedentesiast || severitus

chapter twenty | dissociation

November 3rd, 1991

"Ah, sir? Are you sure this isn't too much? I-I can sleep on the couch. I don't want to take a room from you and I know that I sleep perfectly fine on the floor and—"

Severus sighed.

Halloween came and went at Hogwarts without much fanfare. They had their annual Halloween feast and Dumbledore, who Severus was trying his best to ignore since he had punched him straight in the nose, gave his 'great start to a school year' speech that has been the same since he started teaching there.

Oh, and a troll somehow got loose in the school.

It had been complete chaos from the moment that the blithering, weak fool who calls himself the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts fainted after informing the Great Hall that a Troll had been set loose in the dungeons. Students had immediately freaked out, especially the younger ones, and Severus had tried his best to calm his racing heart as he realized that Harry was alone in the hospital wing.

Although the boy was still on his 'suicide watch' and had to remain in the hospital wing for the time being until Severus could add another room to his quarters, he had ensured the man and Poppy that he would be just fine on his own. Which Severus had trouble doubting because the boy had been positively gleaming since their discussion the day before. But he knows how depression works and he knows that one moment of happiness could not win the battle against the dark thoughts that reside in Harry's head.

So, it was with great efforts that—after a thorough search of the entire wing, in which Severus and Poppy both made sure that there were no knives, needles, toxic potions, ropes or anything that Harry could use to harm himself—they left to attend the feast. Severus had been sure to erect strong wards around Poppy's office, which held dangerous items, as well as the potions cupboard. He had also cast a charm on Harry's bedsheets that would make them unable to hold the weight of anything over 10 pounds.

Harry had looked at him with a disdainful expression, but Severus ignored him. If one was desperate enough, they would use anything in their reach to end their life, and he knew how persistent Harry could be. He had simply ruffled the boy's hair, not paying attention to the small flinch the boy gave when he saw Severus' hand coming close to him, and had walked out with the direction to "be good."

So, Severus wasn't all that surprised when he arrived back at the hospital wing and Harry was on top of the Troll's head.

Once he, Minerva, and unfortunately Albus managed to get Harry off of the troll and to knock the stupid creature unconscious, Severus was feeling rather faint at heart. He should have known taking care of a Potter would be stressful, but it had been one day since he made it 'official.'

Hadn't even signed any bloody papers yet.

Merlin.

Harry had been practically inconsolable afterwards. He had begged Severus to believe that he didn't invite the troll in, that he had no idea what a troll even was, and that he didn't mean to cause trouble on his first day of being the man's ward. He had offered to clean up the whole hospital wing, and Severus had felt his recently eaten dinner coming up when Harry offered to pleasure him.

Again.

At this rate, he'd never get the sight of the child kneeling before him out of his head.

Severus had quickly pushed Albus out of the room, taking joy when the door slammed in the man's face, and had yanked the boy up from where he had kneeled at his feet.

Ignoring the overbearing sense of deja vú, he had pulled the child into a strong hug. Something he should have done the first time.

He had promised him, there on the floor, with Harry pulled tightly against his chest, that he would never ask of that from him. From a child. And that if any adult should ask him, he was to come straight to Severus.