No Idea 💵 MAX WOLFE

At eternity's gate* [•]

[•]= SPECIAL CHAPTERS

(You don't have to read the special chapters but it is recommended)

Robbie Lucas Crimson wasn't a gifted student. He didn't get the best grades on tests and often his report cards were filled with C's and D's. Henry and Vera Crimson didn't punish their kids for bad grades, honestly they didn't really care. So Robbie didn't really care.

Robbie was never passionate about school. He actually hated it. He used to be a quiet student, the student who sat in the back of class writing poetry or drawing stick figures. But over time he became a rowdy student. Talking back to teachers, throwing paper airplanes around the classroom, and making sarcastic and downright rude comments to the girl that sat a couple seats away from him, and then after his rowdy class clown phase he became the kid who consistently skipped class or stumbled through the door high out of his mind or drunk. Carson typically followed (him and Robbie had a similar schedule)

It got so excessive that Robbie almost got kicked out of school. Detentions almost daily. And phone calls home at least once a week. Henry was too busy with work, same with Vera so they weren't really concerned. "Every teen has a rebellious phase" they would say.

Ally was concerned. She was try to speak to her brother about it. Remind him of his aspirations to be a Poet and go to school for a literary degree. "You don't need A's in school and perfect attendance to get admitted to college for a literary degree." He would shout. That made Ally even more concerned. Robbie never shouted until he became best friends with Carson and his group of delinquents.

Months later Robbie wouldn't even come home some nights. It obviously went unnoticed by Vera and Henry. When River got kicked out of his house and stayed with Ally for awhile she got distracted. The stress of her brothers dangerous lifestyle would be shoved in the back of her mind most of the time. Then River felt bad for staying so long and went to stay with Honey, and then the distraction was gone.

Robbie was conflicted. He never admitted it out loud but Ally's attempts at helping Robbie just made him feel worse and conflicted and made him question his lifestyle. He did love to write, but he was also addicted to the lifestyle he was living with Carson. Where they'd roam the streets of New York, high on whatever they could buy, meeting all kinds of people from all kinds of different backgrounds. He liked it, he lived for it.

It was almost like he was addicted to Carson in a way. But deep deep down he was addicted to the lack of judgement. Carson didn't judge Robbie when he refused to do any more drugs, he didn't judge Robbie when he decided to hop into random peoples vehicles and hang his head out the window. The people in Robbie's poetry circle would constantly judge him. If his poem wasn't passionate enough he wasn't a good enough poet, if it wasn't long enough he was lazy. There was so much judgement in something he loved. But practically no judgement in what he was addicted too.

The lifestyle quickly consumed him. It changed him. He was aggressive. His kind demeanor turned into a tense, defensive demeanor. He was downright mean sometimes.

Robbie would have dreams sometimes. Dreams of what his life would be like if he hadn't met Carson at that fundraiser. He would have a perfect absence streak. Hell, maybe even semi decent grades, a good relationship with his sister, his mother and father, and notebooks filled to the brim with wonderful poetry. Instead his notebooks now collected dust. His sister was consumed with anxiety over her brother and it was destroying their relationship and leaving it in ruins. His parents barely spoke to him, and occasional "high" or "how's school"

Robbie understood, his parents were busy. But he also despised them in a way. For their ignorance. Their son was a damn addict and they didn't even realize! Their son was skin and bones and they didn't even realize! Their soon wore a sweater even on blistering hot days to cover up his protruding veins and they didn't EVEN REALIZE!

It took Robbie to long to realize that he hated himself for what he was doing, and by the time he did... it was far to late for him.

Robbie had a brief and hazy memory of him going to some art exhibition during one of his binges. Carson had run off to the bathroom after they first arrived, most likely to chase a high. Robbie had walked the exhibit and one painting caught his eye. It was a Van Gogh painting, AT ETERNITIES GATE it was named. The painting was haunting and relatable to Robbie.

It pictured a man slumped over, his head in his hands. He looked defeated, destroyed, and it looked like he was on the brink of giving up if he hadn't already. That was exactly how Robbie had felt and beautiful strokes of paint by Van Gogh had perfectly captured how he felt. Absolutely and utterly defeated, on that cold day of October 16th, 2019.

Authors Note: Please check out my new poetry book I published here on wattpad!