Divagate

Chapter 20

Darwin
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I reach my hands above my head and stretch, trying to ease my extremely tense muscles. Even after talking with Lia, I haven't fully calmed down yet. My head has continued to swim with all sorts of fucked-up thoughts the whole time I've been sitting here against a tree with Lia.

What if Siggy isn't ok? What if his wound doesn't heal?

I mean, I know it's going to take who knows how long to heal, but it will. At least, it's supposed to.

What if the others turn on me for hitting Siggy?

    My anger and anxiety ambush me again, making it harder to breath. I felt like I was dying earlier, but what if this is really it?

My heart batters inside my chest so hard that I fear it might not be in my chest for much longer.

"Daahn." I can hear something, but I can't make out what it is.

"Daryn." It's a voice. A familiar voice. I want to focus on it, yet my panic is trying to block it out.

"Darwin!" It's Lia. I finally turn to look at her, continuing to struggle to fill my lungs with air. "Let me help you." It wasn't a question, but I nod desperately, anyway. "Hold out your hands." She commands. I follow her directions, my hands shaking in front of me. "Ok, now open and close them tightly, like you're squeezing lemons."

I do so, putting my head down and pressing my eyes closed as tightly as I'm squeezing my hands. On both sides of my body, I flex my whole arm in the hopes that it will make whatever Lia told me to do work better and faster. Fortunately, it does. My heart rate slows back to normal and I'm able to get enough oxygen to exhale both a hoarse and soothed sigh.

"Better?" Lia whispers softly. Leaning the back of my head against the tree, I nod.

"Thank you." I rasp, my throat arid from all the gasps for air I was taking.

"No problem. I remember being taught that by..." She swallows, almost like she's swallowing her emotions. "Amy and Tyler, and it seemed to work well for me." Lia finishes her sentence quickly and looks off into the woods.

Amy and Tyler. The people she said she and I grew up with, and that she reunited with after Siggy pushed her off the dune.

That motherfucker. I swear I should go back there and—

"Sooo, you said back at the house that you needed to talk with me again." Lia says slowly. "What do you need to talk with me about?"

Oh shit, that's right. I completely forgot about that. Originally, I had wanted to talk with her about stuff that happened at Myer Labs that really struck a nerve so she could help me calm down and I could kiss her as a "distraction" when really I just wanted to feel Marie again. I know, pretty shitty thing to do.

Now, I still want to talk about Myer Labs, but I can't kiss Lia. Not only because it's a douchebag move, but because she knows I seek out diversions when I become too overwhelmed. I'm going to have to find a new way to use my go-to coping skill while also keeping Lia oblivious to what I'm doing. Fuck, that's sounds even shittier than my original plan.

Way to go, you dickhead.

Ok, I'm taking too long to respond to Lia's question. She's going to get suspicious of me if I don't answer soon.

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot. I wanted to talk about the first time I severely injured a scientist at Myer Labs." Lia's eyes widen a bit in shock,

"First time?"