How It Goes; Nick Miller

13

"To my dear friends Melissa and Sadie." Cam, Jess, Cece and Lily all were sitting at the table with nick. Melissa and Sadie were also with them. They were their other friends. "five years together. that is awesome." "what is your secret?" "i don't really think there is a secret. i think it's just about love, understanding and two sets of boobs." "i love boobs. i love them. i love everything about them." "ok" "yea i do too" "boobs are cool."

The next thing that was heard was Schimdt in his room saying some weird stuff. "what's happening in there?" "schimdts in there. with his boss. he's entertaining her." "ew" "i don't really care what he does, i just don't understand why he had to narrate it!"
"robot arm engaged."
"it's just engaged now? so he's saying everything up to this point has been foreplay? are you kidding me? that's ridiculous. what are you gonna do for 20 minutes or foreplay? boring. yawn." "oh my gosh! Nick are you jealous?" "what! no!" "i know what's about to happen now so your gonna wanna cover your ears." By the times Cece had said that nobody had covered their ears in time so they heard it all. Very gross. Disgusting. "has anyone seen a movie in the last week and can you describe it in great detail and loudly?" "OH! me and lily went and saw-" "nobody cares cam" "everyone cares nick."

When Jess went to fill up Sadies drink full of wine, she said no and announced she was pregnant. "oh my gosh! congrats!"  "lesbian baby! congrats you guys!" schimdt said as he peeked his head out of the door for a quick second.

"i feel lucky you know! like i tucked this one in under the wire." "what do you mean?" "sadie your young." "as your friendly neighborhood gynecologist you should know by the time a lady hits 30 she loses about 90% of her eggs." "what?" "oh shit" "no that can't be true." 
"did you know that there's a test that you can take that tells you how many beans you got left in your bean sack?" "ovaries. it estimates how many childbearing years you have left." "yea get this! i'm 32 but my eggs are 48 and my vagina is 97." 
"i'm so uncomfortable." nick added into the conversation.

"when can i take that test?"
"who cares. personally, im still on the please-god-i-hope-i'm-not-pregnant phase."
"what am i doing here?"
"you know just clinically speaking, it's probably a good idea to know." "i want to take this test like now!" "and i do not wanna take this." "i'll just adopt so i'm good!" lily said as she took of sip of her beer and leaned back into her chair.
"can we take this test like now?"

"morning, ladies and nick" winston said as he walked into the kitchen. "not morning winston." "it is for me lily. i work nights so i'm on an adjusted sleeping schedule. here's my breakfast." he said holding up a banana. "i'm going to work."  "take me with you! they're talking about vaginas." nick said as he got out of his chair quickly and ran after winston. "i hate it! take me with you." All the girls just laughed as he left.

As sadie and melissa were getting ready to leave schimdt came up to ask sadie a question. "since your a gynecologist and a lesbian, which makes you well a va-genius." Multiple voices had told schimdt jar. "as an adult male i would like to ask you a few questions about you know the downstairs girl cookie." "don't call it that." "no schimdt that's gross." "jar!"
"this is my personal time, you can make an appointment at my office, pay your 40 dollar co-pay and then i'll be happy to answer your questions." "yes i'm in. Would i have to put my legs up in the stirrups?" "what the fuck"
"why would you?"
"i'm asking more so out of curiosity than fear. hashtag excitement."
"are you done?"
"schimdt just shut up."
"i'm done! i'll see you. i'm gonna go call the office."
Schimdt had then left the room. And melissa and sadie went home.