How It Goes; Nick Miller

1

"so you know in horror movies when the girls like, 'oh my god, there's something in the basement. let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark.' And you're like 'what is your problem? Call the police.' and she's like, 'okay.' but it's too late because she's already getting murdered? Well uh my stories kind of like that...." The girl said to three guys sitting on the couch in front of her. She then proceeded to tell them the story of how she surprised her boyfriend, naked, and then found out he was cheating on her.
"but yea, that happened. And that's also why I need a new apartment. I'm sorry, what was the question again?"

"do you have any pets?" The one on the right spoke.
"Me? I don't. My sister doesn't. Well not yet. She'll probably end up getting some type of pet later on."

"You wanna know something funny? When my sister saw your ad on craigslist, she thought you were women and that's why she sent it to me."

The three guys started to laugh.
"We're all...... that's....." The one in the middle started. "Why would she think that? That's crazy. I mean.... what."
"Schmidt wrote the ad."
"Oh, well i'm gonna guess it was something about the words you used, like sun-soaked and beige-y. I don't know, you'll have to ask her when she gets here."

Schmidt had proceeded to take off his shirt.
"what about these? These look beige-y to you?"
"sorry."
"our roommate who left was his trainer. But Schmidt what the hell are we looking at?"
"yea, it's baby smooth."
"This is LLS. Ladies love Schmidt."
"What? What did you just say?"
"that's a dollar in the jar."
"you know I think my sister has better abs than you." Jess spoke.
"she has abs?"
"yes."
"LLS, what is wrong with you?"

"this place is so beautiful. It has so much light." Jess said as she walked around a little. "Spencer hated light. Sorry, it's hard to say his name."
"it's okay. Nick knows. He got dumped."
Nick scoffed. "dumped. Yeah, I got dumped. She dumped me. I'm over it. It was six months ago guys. Get past it. I don't even know why we're still talking about it. Why's everybody looking at me?"

"I really wanna live here." Jess had said as she stood in the kitchen.
"I actually still have some questions. I mean like no offense but we barely know you and we don't even know your sister."
"okay. Full disclosure, i'm kind of emotional right now, cause of the breakup, so i'll probably be watching dirty dancing at least six or seven times a day. If I ever go past seven, call this number." Jess spoke as she gave them a piece of paper with a number on it. "It's Cams number. She's working. But anymore than seven times call her."
"so why isn't she here today?"
"She had to work, like i said. I'm also a teacher so I bring home a lot of popsicle sticks and stuff like that. I like to sing to myself. And I'm tired of living with my friend. She's a model. All her friends are models."

"uh, how soon can you move in?" Schmidt asked her.
"Actually, Schmidt, slow up."
"nope. Not happening."
"okay, could you give us a second? I've got to go talk to my boys."
"my boys is not a thing."
"my boys."
"douche bag jar."