Ripoff

The Life of a White Haired Tactician

A/N: man I haven't written an authors note in a while

Anyway uh let's just say they're back at the house cause I don't wanna write about the beach anymore lmao

Here's a chapter about how robin is literally better than everyone <3 (thank you leo and middy for the hcs)

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Robin rolled back and forth on his bed, which had been stripped of its blankets and pillows due to the overbearing heat. The AC units in the house had practically dissolved, and while that may be an exaggeration, they sure weren't working and the house was heating up like a pasty white man in an 80°F day. Which Robin was not, but half of the house just so happened to be. Even if Robin was not like his other housemates, he still felt the heat wearing him down. The poor man could barely catch a wink last night, and before he knew it, it was morning. So not only was he sweaty, he was also incredibly tired.

He sighed and sat up, kicking his legs over the edge of the bed and standing up, literally feeling drops of sweat sliding down his body and onto the floor and sheets. Throughout the night, he had stripped himself of almost every piece of clothing he could've possibly had on before things got too 18+. First, it had been his long sleeve shirt. The air had been cool earlier in the night, so he figured it would continue being so. Turns out that cool had been from the shower he had just taken. Then it was his tanktop. He figured sleeping shirtless wasn't so bad of an idea. Didn't do much. Then it was his shorts. "Plenty of people sleep without a shirt and pants!" He said. "Surely, this will cool me down!" He said, both pessimistically and opportunistically. He almost considered taking off his boxers, but that was out of the comfort zone for him.

He groaned as he dragged himself to the shower, disposing his one piece of clothing and rushed into the cold water that came from the shower head. He sighed in relief as the cool drops touched his skin, cooling him down finally. Would it only last for a few minutes? Yes, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.

He walked out, shaking his head to get the water out of it (not too much, but enough that it stopped dripping profusely), and got dressed in a tanktop and shorts. He brushed his teeth and wrapped a wet towel around his neck in hopes that it'd do something. He was sure it wouldn't but perhaps. He slipped on his dark red, round glasses because today was not a contacts day and walked downstairs. The heatwave that hit him as he walked down the stairs made him lose any sort of balance he felt.

Still, he hung on to the railing and dragged his somewhat limp body to the kitchen. Oh goodness the kitchen, the hottest place in the entire house. No one else was there, also dying from the heat upstairs, he presumed. Today, it just so happened to be his turn to make breakfast. Something he'd learned after leaving with these people for years was that they liked a nice, warm breakfast. Unfortunately for them, he was not about to spend the next half hour near a stove. And so, he took out as many fruits as he could find out of the fridge, cut and mixed them up, put them into separate bowls, drizzled some honey on them, and served up his masterpiece that is his fruit salad. Though since no one was around, he covered up each bowl with towels instead. He was sure the kiddies were gonna complain about the lack of meat, but he knew that they needed to eat healthy for the once in their lives. He took his own bowl and sat down on the couch, desperately eating his fruits in hope that it'd do something. It didn't.

The first of his housemates to come down was Ike, who also had clearly just showed yet was already drenched in sweat. He wore nothing but shorts and sandals. He greeted Robin and reached for his own bowl of fruit salad, and while a little disappointed there was no meat, he ate it gratefully.

Next came the royalty. All had clearly taken showers, but again were already drenched in sweat. Good morning, take food, die inside. Repeat until everyone was downstairs, melting alive. Claude seemed the most unphased, meanwhile Dimitri was literally dying.