Ripoff

Follow the Rules

Link sat on the kitchen counter. And he stared. Angrily stared. Stared with a rage that could not subside. Stared because "the rules were being violated." Stared... at two people making breakfast.

"Ike, pass me the sriracha," Zelda said.

"Zelda, if you keep dunking your eggs in a pound of sriracha every morning your tastebuds are going to die," Ike advised.

"But it tastes good-"

"I don't need you dying of sriracha poisoning."

"I'll die of real poison before that."

"Zelda, no more suicide madness."

"Yes sir.... now give it to me-"

"No."

"Hoe."

See this? Ya see this madness? This is why he was mad. Now, he wasn't mad because they were spending time together. Of course he wasn't mad about that, everyone here spent time together and were the absolute best friends to each other. He was mad because they were different. The vibes between them were different than their vibes with the others. And he didn't like it.

"Um, pardon me, Link, could you pass me the pepper?" Dimitri asked as he sat next to him with his breakfast.

"Oh! Sorry man, I was spaced out," Link picked up the pepper and slammed it in front of Dimitri, then went back to being a spaced out angry elf.

"I can tell," Dimitri murmured as he dumped pepper on his eggs. "Why is that?"

Link glared at him.

"You don't have to tell me-"

Link spun around on his chair, facing away from it. He rested his arm on the counter as if he were a cowboy at a bar.

"May I ask what you're doing-"

"Dimitri, buddy, been a while."

"I mean to the readers it has. Unless they've been reading in one go-"

"Dimitri, since we've last seen the readers, Byleth got into smash, right?"

"Uh, yes, the professor did get into smash-"

"And you are part of the stage, which means you, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, are part of Smash."

"I guess it does, doesn't it." Dimitri was getting a little tired of Link's current way of speaking if he was being perfectly honest.

"Exactly, which means ya need to know the rules."

"...right."

"We discussed this on the first chapter."

"Uh-huh."

"NO romance."

"Indeed."

"And yet, you come to tell me that that isn't romantic?"

"I never said anything about romance-"

"Just look Dimitri, LOOK!" Link forcefully spun Dimitri's head around to face the kitchen, only to see the sight of Ike trying his hardest to keep Zelda from destroying her tastebuds with sriracha.

"Ya see that? How is that not romantic?"

"All I see is Ike being a good friend."

"I knew you wouldn't understand." Link let go of Dimitri's face and once again became a spaced out angry elf, and this time Dimitri was thankful because he was hungry and needed food.