Hey sweetheart,
Do you remember the day he came to us? There's no way you'd have forgotten, you birthed him. He was so small, my hands shook nervously as I lifted him to my embrace. He smelled nice, a pleasant smell you'd find nowhere else. I kissed his little head lightly as I didn't know what else to do. I was so happy that day, I felt like the luckiest man on the earth.
I swore to god I'd give him all I had and protect him with my life. I swore I'd fight the devil barehanded if it was to harm him.
But I couldn't keep my promise, darling.
He was lying on my lap this evening, smiling in his sleep. His palm was wrapping my thumb tightly. His brown soft hair, chubby little cheeks, plump cherry lips, small limbs, his crying, his laughs, every little thing about him melted my heart. I realised.
He was beautiful. He was perfect.
That was the problem.
We were getting attached to him by the year.
This wasn't good.
This could not be.
I couldn't let our small world change.
I couldn't afford to part ways with him later.
It would be too sad, too painful.
Too hard to bear.
I didn't want that.
Honey,
I didn't mean to.
But I did.
I don't know why.
But I do.
I'm really sorry.
But I'm not.
I don't know how to tell you.
But I know...
Honey,
I killed our son.
________________
14th, July 2021
