A year, a whole of 365 days.
It's just a year, one would say. I myself did not feel a year was much. A fleeting year has never been that long.
But the play of time, my love, a year now lasts an eternity.
Those ticking hands of the clock seem to be too heavy, they sit inert no matter how long I stare... The sun seems too tired to move, its light no longer shines. The moon we loved is now blurry in my eyes.
And this painful eternity is slowly stealing you from me... Again... And again. Heartlessly, In bits and pieces, body and soul. Some days I hear you calling my name from the distance, ever so softly... But then I have to wonder, was that how my love sounded? She's the most beautiful...but how does she look exactly? Even the simple toast she makes tastes divine... But what does divine taste like? I will never know...
The laughter of our old times echoes in my mind in blurry silver rays and slide slowly down my cheeks every now and then...a whelming emptiness surround me. The people still talk and cheer, your green little plants mumble things for me, and the old Mr. Purrs keep me company, but days are bleak as if I am underwater, my ears ring. The world has grown cold... My love never leaves me to feel this coldness, she warmly embraces me. But what does her warmth feel like? What's her scent like? I will never know...
I will never know, until I see you again.
Again when we're fifteen, merry and silly. On one sunny day, happily smiling under the tree shades... fall in love again. Feel all these things again. My dream, one last spark to look forward to... soon, very soon... to be with you again.
I never imagined a life without you, but one day it became my reality. Breathing has been pointless ever since. This colorless space gives me no reason, I no longer serve any purpose. What remains now is this deafening sorrow, my bones that creak, the pain of losing pieces of you over time, and this heavy hollowness in my heart. My love, this throbbing ache in my chest wouldn't go away. I could head to the doctors and get it treated, lengthen the misery that's my life. But I will not, as I do not want this. I find no pleasure in this living my love.
This cruel and tedious cycle of eternity needs to end.
And,
Under the green shades we need to meet.
Again, to walk hand in hand...
to our beautiful life.
__________________1st Feb 2024
Rusty af writing, where did my creativity go?
