'These words hold no value now, as I am a criminal. I took for granted, all our smiles, laughs and memories. I killed you and I, not knowing you were my world.
"What's this?"
It's a reply to my story,
but not the reply I want.
"Why are you doing this?"
It's a question, but not the one I wish to answer.
What am I to say, that I'm waiting for someone?
Someone I couldn't love enough?
Saying that I realize now, would be a lie. I knew it all along, but was not willing to admit. I didn't want to believe everything that happened was my fault alone. I didn't want to carry the weight of the pain and heart break I caused you. I couldn't accept the fact that I was the thing that ruined us, and the beautiful memories we had in the place called together.
I didn't understand what you meant to me... until you were no longer there for me.
And I was too late when I finally swallowed my pride. I couldn't find you, not even in a dream. I wished to go back in time, for just a minute to change our lives, but that wouldn't happen.
How could someone leave like that, leave no trace behind? - I asked many people who said it served me right.
I searched for you everywhere I knew, till I was left with only the platform on the net. I've been hopeful, waiting for you to see and reply, but days turned to months and months turned years before my eyes. My hopes died but I'd still apologize. I watched views drop day by day, I know, who'd look at the same post every day? But I'd still continue to apologize. Maybe one day, by miracle who knows? You might see.
Not that it'd change anything- there's no going back for me, that much is clear. But then you'd see my mourning, you'd know my remorse.
You'd know how grateful I am, although it's way too late.
You'd see my suffering and you'll know, the power you hold, your actual worth.
You'd see a broken man,
holding on to a moment of the past,
slowly going insane,
and
dying inside,
every day.
But I love you, only you.
I am sorry,
I hope you know.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------14th Nov, 2021
