Fools

46- Noah

⚠️TW: abuse⚠️

Noah

It was early morning on the Sunday before we returned to school from winter break and I was having breakfast with my dad again. He had made scrambled eggs for us. I definitely wasn't used to these breaking meals and football nights anymore. So while we sat there and ate, my leg was bouncing up and down with anxiety, waiting for my dad to snap and the utopian dream I was in, to be over.

But instead, my father spoke awkwardly, "how is, uh, ya' know, school going?"

"Um pretty good," I said keeping my voice quiet.

"Keeping your grades up? You're gonna graduate, right?" He asked, looking at me sternly

"Yeah, I'm actually doing pretty well," I told him and finished up my eggs.

"Good, I'm... I'm proud of you," my dad said as he continued to eat his food, not looking at me. My heart was beating a little more promptly and I almost smiled. Almost. Until he said, "And I see that you listened to me and broke it off with that faggot." My heart fell to the bottom of my stomach and my utopian world turned back to shit. His eyes turned deadly as they focused on mine. "You're not seeing him, are you?"

"N-no," I said, feeling like I was gonna throw up. Worse, like I was suffocating.

"Right," he said, then scrapped his chair back to stand up. He dropped his plate in the sink. "Good. I don't need a fag for a son," he muttered before walking into the tv room.

I let out a breath as soon as he was out of sight.
I shook my head and went to the kitchen sink to rinse both of our plates off before placing them in the dishwasher. When I looked up, I spotted Sam walking up to my front porch from the kitchen window.

Shit. What the fuck was he doing here? I checked my phone and saw a missed FaceTime from Sam and a text saying we should study. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I looked over and saw my dad distracted by some tv show and a beer in his hand. I took that as my opportunity to quickly leave the house.

Sam gave me a boyish smile when he saw me. "Hey, I was just about to-"

"You gotta leave," I demanded more harshly than I intended to.

His smile dropped. "What? Why?" He asked as he continued to walk closer to my house. "I thought we could-"

I put my hands on his shoulders and nudged him to go back. "Seriously, Sam. You need to go. I'm sorry, I'll call you tonight or try to sneak out-"

"Why? What's going on?" He pressed, "Is your dad-"

"Jesus, Sam, just fucking go! For fuck's sake!" I snapped. Sam stepped back, out of my reach, like I'd just punched him. I sighed in frustration at myself. "Sam, I'm sorry, that's not-"

"No need to explain," he cut me off then turned around, got back in his car, and drove away.

Fuck.

When I got back inside, I walked into the tv room and was immediately shoved against the wall. My eyes went wide as my dad grabbed a fistful of my t-shirt and yanked me towards him. "What was that about?!" My dad spit out at me. His alcoholic breath fanning my face.

"It was nothing, dad. I- I dealt with it!" I rushed out, hating that I stuttered.

"I thought you told me you weren't seeing him anymore?!"

"I'm not!" Before I knew it, he grabbed my hair, pulling my head forward then back real fast causing me to fall down. My head collided with the coffee table and I bit my tongue. It took a lot of strength not to cry out in pain.

My dad knelt down in front of me, "If I ever catch you with that boy again, hittin' your head on a table will be your least concern," he threatened before slamming his fist into my face. "I'll fucking kill him, don't test me, Noah."

Covering the left side of my face, I watched my dad grab his beer can before slamming the front door shut behind him. "Fuck!" I yelled as I laid on the ground, putting my hands over my face, not that anyone was there to watch me cry. "Fuck, fuck!" And I screamed, slamming my hand down continuously on the wooden floor.

I got up, and went to my bedroom, swinging my door close and locked it. I was filled with too many overwhelming emotions from humiliation, to guilt, to anger, to sadness. And it all formed into a huge tower of rage. I took my phone out of my pocket and chucked it at the wall, shattering the screen with the back popping off. I swiped everything off my desk in my fit of anger. Then I realized my the Switch that Sam had gotten me was along the things I pushed off my desk.

"Fuck! Stupid mother fucker!" I didn't know who I was yelling that at. Probably to myself. I collapsed onto my messy bed, screaming more profanities into my pillow and I scraped my fingernails into my legs over, and over, and over, and over.

I'll fucking kill him

"Fuck!" I sobbed.

*

Thank you for reading <3

-Xoxo, Bert