Fools

48- Noah

Noah

I didn't text or call Sam. I didn't go over to his house to apologize and I didn't go searching for him at school the next day. I just went to my locker with my head hung low. A baseball hat on to block the view of my black eye and bandaged forehead.

But Sam found me anyway. He walked up to my locker, looking pissed. Fuck, I did not want to deal with Sam right then. "What the hell, Noah?" Is the first thing he said to me. I didn't respond or look at him as I took books out from my locker. "You don't call or text me? Or come over? Are you even going to apologize?" No answer. "I was worried about you all night." No answer. "Hello? You know you're gonna' get dress coded for that hat right?"

"Go to fucking class, Sam," I pleaded quietly then shut my locker and walked past him. 

He grabbed my arm and he didn't look pissed anymore. Concern was more like it. "Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing," I muttered, and yanked my arm away.

"Really? 'Cause you won't even look at me," Sam grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face him. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, "What's that?" Sam asked.

"What's what?" I questioned, though I knew what he was referring to. I turned my head so he wouldn't get a clear view of my black eye. But that didn't stop Sam from grabbing my baseball hat right off my head. I quickly looked down and moved away from him. "What the hell, Sam? Can't you just go to class? Fuck."

Sam turned me around again and grabbed my jaw so I couldn't look away from him, "Did someone hit you?!" He was about to touch my black eye, but stopped himself when I jerked my head back.

"No, now back off," I said harshly.

"Don't act like I'm stupid, Noah. Who gave you that black eye?" He demanded an answer.

I knocked Sam's hand off of me. "I said, back off."

"No," He said forcefully.

"What?" I questioned with narrowed eyes.

"I said no, Noah. Tell me what happened!" Sam demanded again.

"Oh my God, Can you just mind your own damn business?!" I shouted. A guy walking by stared at us and a couple other people did too.

Sam grabbed my arm and forced me into the same Janitor's closet where I confessed my feelings for Sam a while back. "Obviously something's going on with you-"

I chuckled mockingly, "Picked up on that one, huh?" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Sam pushed me back a step, "Doesn't mean you have to take your anger out on me, ya' know, your boyfriend!"

I took a breath and closed my eyes for a moment to try and release my frustrations before looking back at him. "I'm sorry. You're right, I was being an ass," I admitted.

"Yeah. You were. Are you going to tell me what happened now?" he asked with his arms crossed over his chest.

I stood there for a second just staring at him, then finally answered. "No." He already knew, so I didn't know why he needed me to say it.

Sam looked hurt and I hated myself for causing him pain. "Your dad did this." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "You told me you wouldn't lie to me about this," Sam said softly. Like he wasn't even mad, just disappointed.

My heart fell into a pool of guilt at the bottom of my stomach. "Okay, sorry I lied. I just—"

"You promised me you wouldn't lie to me again," he reiterated more pointedly, letting his words seep their meaning into my head.

I didn't respond. I felt like the shitiest person for lying to Sam. "Just go to fucking class, Sam," I begged him. "Please," because I knew I was going to say something I'd regret.

"Fine. If you don't want to tell me then I'll tell Nathan," Sam's anger returned, "Maybe he'll do something about it. Or better yet, I can call DCFS right now. I should've called them from the start!"

"Oh, fuck you, Sam," I spat out.

"No, fuck you!" he exclaimed. "I'm trying to fucking help you, but of course, you don't need anyone to look out for you, right? You'd rather continue letting your dad get away with abusing you!" He yelled, but his eyes were desperate for answers. Pleading with me to cooperate with him. "I don't fucking get it!"

"Sorry, I don't have a perfect fucking family like you!" I shouted back, my hands animated as I spoke.

Sam took his own deep breath and spoke calmly, "You're just angry right now, you don't know what you're saying."

But I kept going because I didn't know how to do calm right then. "Tell me one fucking flaw about your family, Sam. About your life."

"That's not fair," he shook his head again, his jaw trembled, but he held his composure together.

I scoffed, "Not fair? Grow up, Sam!" I stepped forward and he stepped back, "Our lives are different. I'm never going to have a life like yours; all rainbows and sunshine. It's a fucking joke," I was ruthless with my words, it felt like I was a puppet and my anger took form and was controlling me. I couldn't stop until more damage was done.

"You're just being cruel," Sam's eyes are watering, he was holding onto himself, his arms wrapped around him for safety.

I pointed to myself with my eyebrows raised, "I'm cruel? I'm fucking cruel? All you ever fucking do is try to fix me. How the fuck do you think that feels?"

And his fury was back, "Fix you?" His hands all over the place as he spoke, "I'm not trying to fix you, Noah, I'm trying to show you, you have options. Safer options. You don't have to face everything alone, I'm trying to get you to understand that. That you're not alone, that I'm here for you. And, I'm trying so fucking hard to do that, but all you do is push people away, Noah! It's fucking exhausting!"

"Fine," I said, feeling my throat closing up, "I'll make things easier for you. We're done," my words were sharp.

Sam took another step back as if what I said to him was a bullet to the chest. "What do you mean by that?" he asked even though I knew he knew exactly what I meant by that.

"I mean we are done. You and me? We're over. I should've broken up with you awhile ago," I seethed, but Sam kept shaking his head, not wanting to listen to me, his bottom lip quivering. "Hell, we shouldn't have even dated in the first place." That was harsh, but the truth. Sam deserved better than me. Someone he didn't have to worry about constantly. But I was too selfish to let him go.

"No." He had tears streaming down his face. "Stop, stop, let's just take a deep breath. Both of us are upset and saying things we don't mean," Sam spoke like each word he was saying was a fact, but I was shaking my head that time.

I'll fucking kill him, don't test me, my father's threat rung in my ears. My heart shattering, but my voice not wavering as I said, "I mean when say; I don't want to fucking be with you, Sam."

His eyes went wide with horror, "You don't mean that," Sam dismissed. I said nothing like the coward I knew I was. Sam stepped closer and grabbed the front of my hoodie. Desperate and pleading. "Tell me you don't mean that!"

I wanted to. I wanted to hug him and tell him I didn't mean any of the things I was saying. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to lay next to him. I wanted to tell him I loved him more than anyone or anything in this entire fucked up world.

I'll fucking kill him.

I pried Sam's hands off of me and went to the door. He yanked me back. "Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He rushed out in a panic. "Just don't- don't- don't leave. Please. I love you," his cheeks were a river of tears, he could barely form a proper sentence in between sobs. "I- I love you. Don't- please don't leave," he tried hugging me, but I shoved him back. "Stop!" He cried. "I love you, Noah, I'm sorry."

'I love you too,' I wanted to say- I'll fucking kill him- but Sam was better off without me. "Goodbye, Sam," I barely choked out, and I shut the door behind me.

**

-Xoxo, Bert