Fools

50- Noah

Noah

I couldn't handle it the following day. I didn't get any sleep at all. I couldn't see Sam at school. Not at lunch, not in Government, not even in passing through the hallway. If I saw him, I'd hug him and apologize profusely and beg him to forgive, but I knew he would forgive me. And I didn't deserve Sam's forgiveness.

So, after fifth period, I decided, "fuck this," and I began walking towards the side exit. But of course, the last fucking person I wanted to speak to, stopped me before I could leave. Miss. Adams.

"Fuck," I muttered. I knew she'd pick up on me being upset and want me to talk to her.

"Oh Noah. What happened to your eye?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Nothing," I said and tried to walk away, but she stopped me again.

"You know you can't leave school. Especially with that hall monitor eyeing us over there," she murmured as she nodded her head towards the stern looking old man who was standing by one of the exit doors with crossed arms. "But, you could come with me into my office and I can keep you from the rest of your classes. You don't even have to talk to me if you don't want to."

I looked at her with a slightly confused look on my face. She'd actually let me skip class just because I'm upset? "Okay," I agreed hesitantly and she gave me a small smile before heading to her office with me following behind.

When we got into her office, she shut her door and said, "I'm here to listen if you want to talk to me about why you're upset, or tell me what happened to your face, or you can just chill out. I do have a meeting during seventh period, but you can always stay in here. Students are not supposed to stay unsupervised, but with my door closed, no one will bother you."

After that, she stuck to her word. She sat in her deck chair and started on some paperwork. She wasn't guilting me into talking to her, didn't bring up my shitty grades. Just let me sit in one of her chairs in a comforting silence.

I don't know what compelled me to- maybe because I didn't feel forced- but I decided to tell her. "I... I broke up with Sam," I told her in a slight whisper. Miss. Adams set her paperwork down and turned to face me, giving me her undivided attention. She gave me an expression that told me to carry on.

I felt my eyes burn with tears threatening to fall. I leaned forward, my elbows digging into my thighs as I covered my face with my hands. "It- it all just happened so fast. I love Sam so fucking much, but my dad doesn't approve of him. He's against me being gay. I'm just- I'm struggling and I don't know what to do. He's the only parent I have! My mom left which made my dad bail and went to God knows where, and- and then Nate left for college and for the longest time I was alone until my dad came back. He actually came back."

I couldn't hold it in anymore; the tears poured out of me like a broken dam.

"Yeah, he's a shitty dad, but he's still my dad! I don't want him to leave me again. And I just... I want it to be easier," I said looking up at her. "I want to be able to love Sam unconditionally, and make my dad happy. But I can't! I can't have it both ways! Now I ruined everything with the one person I love most in this stupid fucking world. But he deserves better than me. And I-"

My rant was cut off by Miss. Adams handing me a tissue. I wiped my eyes, feeling pathetic."Sorry," I muttered.

Miss. Adams offered me a sympathetic smile. "You don't have to apologize. You can come to me for anything, you know."

I nodded, but didn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, I'm pretty sure I'd start crying again. I felt pathetic. I've never cried like this before. My heart was weak and tired from hold all the pain it's experienced in just two days.

"I know you're gonna do what you think is best for you," my social worker started. "But I think you should take a break from everything. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever get back together with Sam, but for right now, focusing on you is what you need to do. You're graduating in four months. Four months then you can go wherever. You can leave, Noah. You're dad won't be around to dictate who you date. Just gotta hang in there until graduation." I didn't respond to that, so she continued, "what happened with your eye?"

"Will this stay confidential?" I asked, my leg bouncing up and down.

"Everything you say stays confidential unless you're hurting yourself, hurting someone else, or someone is hurting you. One of those and I have to contact your dad. If this is a family issue," she spoke cautiously, "I can get you help." Well then I definitely can't tell her my dad hit me. "It wasn't Sam, was it?" She asked worried.

I chucked at that. "No. definitely not Sam."

"I'm still going to have to contact your father rather you tell me who hit you or not."

"Maybe no one hit me. Maybe it was an accident," I said nonchalantly with a shrug.

She gave me that disappointed mother look, "We both know that's not true."

"Trust me, my dad wouldn't care, but go for it. Thanks for talking to me, but I don't feel like talking about it anymore, or being here," I said getting up.

Miss Adams sighed then returned to her paperwork. "I already said you'll get caught if you skip."

"Go ahead and tell the dean. I'm not really worried about a detention."

She stared at me for a moment, contemplating, "Go out through the D wing. No hall monitors nearby."

I tried to hide my smile, "Wow. You're actually pretty cool."

"Leave before I call the dean myself," she told me sternly.

"Right," I said then quickly left.

*

Later that evening, Sam texted me, asking me to meet up with him.

**
How's this 'meet up' going to go? If it even happens? Any predictions?

Ya' know what? Fuck it, let's keep posting chapters. Chapter 51 out soon!!

Thank you for reading <3

-Xoxo Bert