Water Under the Bridge ›› n.h. mature

Twenty-Four

Kate Marshall

Niall had given me an idea. I was sad he left me sitting in the breakfast nook by myself, but he had planted a line in my head that was slowly being laced into a melody in my head.

I was thinking 'bout making a comeback, back to me

I pulled my notebook back out and scrawled the line before it left me. Don't I just look like a moody, brooding artist down here, with my beat up book of lyrics and a cup of black coffee? I didn't feel like dealing with cream even though I prefer it.

I still feel like I'm playing pretend when I write song lyrics. I still feel nervous to share them with my writing team. It's a very vulnerable thing for me.

More ideas were coming to me and I didn't want to be on the hotel's main level. I gathered up my stuff and made a beeline for the elevator to take me to my room. There I could sing out loud and test things out.

I ran into Gina on the way there. She reminded me about a rehearsal this afternoon and said she would be setting up a formal meeting with me and the team soon.

I was glad she didn't say I had to go rehearse now though.

I'm at peace in the dark
When I know that you're near
Hear the breath of your heart
Singing me a lullaby

My pen was scrawling as fast as possible, trying to keep up with the tune in my head.

I was thinking about all that had brought me here, all the decisions made, all the people I leaned on. Would I do much differently? Was I ashamed of those decisions? At the end of the day, they brought a friend back to me.

All those traveling years
'Til we said our goodbye
And I show up to your place
You don't even ask me why

Niall is there for me in the best way he knows how. I don't know why he shies away from it. But he shows up in a capacity that's not meaningless. It could be more but it's not nothing.

I feel like I'm understanding him better as I write this song down on paper. Maybe not understanding but trying to harder than ever before.

He's been an ass. He likes to remain unattached. But he also beats himself up for every mistake and flaw. He comes up short but no one is harder on him for it than himself.

I want him to know I see that.

And if you wanna know why I have no regrets
Sometimes, you gotta dig low to get 'round to it
And there is nothing I'm so sure of, nothing I'm so sure of
If you wanna know why I have no regrets

All too soon it was time for rehearsal. I prayed this spark of inspiration didn't vanish.

They took me to the stadium where the show is tomorrow because we had the time. It's always nice to get to do a rehearsal on the actual stage instead of just some random soundproofed room.

Between rehearsing songs I was humming my new tune quietly, drumming my fingers against my leg, trying to cling to it.

Gina noticed and told me, "I'm going to get you back in with the writers soon! You've got some juice going."

We were wrapping up as the boys arrived for their rehearsal.

Niall acted like he didn't even see me. I wonder if he got nervous we weren't being subtle enough. That or he's just being rude and I'm a clown for coming up with an excuse for him. I hate the way we play such a guessing game with each other.

Most of the time after I rehearse, Gina is shuffling me backstage to warm up, discuss the setlist, make changes, you name it. But today she let me stay.