Best of Me

ONE

Im home alone again

And you're out, hanging with your friends
So you say, somehow I know its not quite that way
Its getting pretty late, and you havent checked on me all day
When I called, you didn't answer
Now I'm feeling like you're ignoring me
I wish, that you were home, holding me tight in your arms
I wish, I could go back, to the day before we met and skip my regret

I wish I wasn't in love with you
So you couldn't hurt me
It just ain't fair the way you treat me
No you dont deserve me
Wasted my time thinking bout you and you ain't never gone change
I wish I wasn't in love with you so I wouldn't feel this way.

The lyrics of Heather Headley's I Wish I Wasn't played though out the entire house. I sat on the couch the sat in front of the door drinking my third glass of wine. The song sums up all what has happened today. Jay hasn't been home all day and has yet to call his wife to check on me or his kids.

When you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forgive
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love
that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you that's why I'm so mad
Now I'm drowning in
disappointment
And it's hard for me to even look at you
And I wish that you were home
Holding me tight in your arms
And
I wish I could go back
To the day before we met
And skip my regret.

I kept thinking about what he could be doing out in the world doing whatever he wants while I am here mothering our three children by myself. How everytime he ask me to forgive him I forgive him in a heartbeat. How everytime he promises to change and he never does. Jay says he cares and loves me, but those are lies he tells to make me happy.

Said you care about me
But from what I see
I ain't feeling that
So I disagree
Gave you all my love
And understanding
And you're treating me like your enemy
So leave me alone
Don't want nothing from you
Just go back where you came from
This house is no longer your home
You are not welcome no no no more

Tears started to fall thinking over what he said to me. I traced my finger over the big purple bruise he left on my arm. It's sad that I can't leave him when everyone else tells me to. It's just he needs me and I know he does and the kids still would want there daddy around, but our relationship can't be based off our kids.

I usually tell woman to get out of relatioships like this, but I can't follow my own advice. Maybe it is time for me just to let Jay go for the better, it's worth a shot. I placed my glass on the table and went uptairs and started packing all of my stuff along with the kids stuff. I put Cain in his car seat and walked Blue and Corey to the living room.

I grabbed the kids stuff and placed it downstairs by the door. I ran up the stairs to finish packing my stuff so we could leave. "Where are you going Beyonce?" I stopped moving and turned around and saw Jay with reddish eyes. "Uh no where baby." I backed up a little. "Then why are my kids stuff packed and I walk in here and see you packing your shit Bey!" I jumped at him yelling at me.

He sighed and put his hands together and placed it by his mouth. "Now I'm gonna ask you again and you are gonna tell me the truth. Where are you going Bey?" I stood my ground and stood straight up. "I'm leaving Shawn." He chuckled and shook his head. "You could go, but you aren't going no where with my kids." He turned around to leave the room.

"They are my kids Shawn! They know me more than they know you!" I yelled at him. He turned back around and got in my face. "Who the hell you yelling at Bey!?" I looked him straight in his eyes and pushed him out of my face. "You!" I heard a smack then my face started to sting. I fell down and held my cheek as tears started to fall.