SPELLBOUND | remus lupin

twenty (ii) - blink twice if you need help

JUN, 1976
KING'S CROSS STATION

Remus didn't realise that the train had stopped moving until Peter stood up and started pulling bags from the upper rack. He wiped a hand over his face in an attempt to motivate his brain and had to dodge as Peter nearly brought down a suitcase on his head.

"Sorry!" he squeaked, dragging it onto the floor. Remus waved him off with a yawn and stretched. The journey had seemed to take longer than normal, and not just because he was sad to be leaving for a few months and would be alone on the full moon again, but because he was trying to distract himself from thinking about her. It felt like he was going mad. The disturbing nature of the things Remus knew about Camilla would now plague him for the whole summer: her parents, her fear, her engagement. What kind of classist bullshittery—

"I think he's frozen," broke through his musing and Remus blinked. Sirius was rather close to the side of his face, staring at him pointedly. "Oh, good, you're back. I was about to cast Reparo on you."

"Piss off, Snuffles," Remus snorted and stood up. A disgruntled sound emerged from his mouth.

"I told you, it's just Padfoot. 'Snuffles' makes me sound like some kind of fluffy pet cat with a bell around its neck."

"I don't know, I think it suits you," James added, teetering a little with a trunk held above his head. He grinned widely, and Remus thought that Sirius was going to tackle him then and there. He could have taken this journey back to King's Cross in the prefect cabin, but then he would have missed all the charming antics of his friends. They spent the next five minutes gathering suitcases and sweet wrappers and talking about things they were looking forward to before descending onto the platform.

They moved as a unit through the tightly packed families and students until they were out of the immediate crush. Remus cast a sideways glance at Sirius, who was becoming more dour by the second, the freedom that Hogwarts provided him fading away with each step. He came to a stop, and Remus had to grab the back of Peter's coat before he was swallowed back into the crowd.

"I'm going to have to look for Reg in a minute." The tone of resignation made it sound like he was about to be dragged to Azkaban. The thought of Sirius going back to that house, kept under veritable lock and key by the abusive, hateful Walburga Black, was almost worse. It turned Remus' stomach. He wished there was something he could do, but with the monthly dangers he posed, his parents would never let Sirius stay the summer, and there was no way he could tell his Ministry-associated father about his friend's illegal animagus status. Sirius cleared his throat and made to pick up his trunk off the ground when he jolted forwards a little, a disgruntled sound escaping his mouth.

"Hey, watch where—" His friend trailed off, and it was only a moment until Remus realised why. Red locks of hair, critical, cold green eyes. The very likeness he knew was going to haunt him during the holiday. In true Camilla fashion, her nose immediately crinkled, a sign of that typical dissatisfaction that had come to be an expectation in the five years they had known her. The caged owl in her arms screeching psychotically, however, was a little unexpected. Remus had never seen her with an owl, though he supposed it shouldn't be that big of a surprise that she owned one. She wasn't the type to own a toad. He could tell that some insult had bubbled to the surface in Camilla's mind, but the twisted lines of her face softened the moment their gazes met. Something almost - almost - vulnerable appeared and Remus could very vividly see her in his mind's eye, crumpled on the floor of the second floor girl's bathroom, surrounded by destruction. No doubt a reflection of the inside.

She dropped her gaze and pushed past Sirius. Without thinking, Remus moved into her path, blocked her from escaping.

Well shit. What am I supposed to say? He fumbled for a second, aware that his friends were staring. Ah-

"Aren't you going to apologise?" Their stares grew horrified. He felt a little horrified himself, but it was a valid question (though he knew what the answer would be... "I don't apologise", or maybe "I hope you fall down a well").

"I don't apologise." Her tone was flat, but she still wouldn't look at him directly. He couldn't help the frustration that emerged, even as she turned to address James, Sirius and Peter's goggling eyes. Poor Peter jumped, squeaking out a response as the nervously smiling James elbowed him in the ribs. It was in that moment of distraction that Camilla made an attempt to get past him and suddenly inflamed that she hadn't actually apologised to Sirius, who still appeared downcast, he threw his hand out and caught her arm.

Camilla went stiff as a board, still in the sea of people around them. She was looking at him now. Absolutely blank. There was nothing on her face, not even a mask of calm. Remus swallowed, a sick feeling creeping into his stomach as he again recognised her expression, the blankness revealing nothing and everything. He let go, as if burned, and Camilla disappeared.

"What was that?" hissed Sirius, grabbing his arm to stop him disappearing too.

"Something's wrong."

"Yeah it is, I'm surprised we're not dead! Since when did we start treating Camilla like a human being capable of empathy?" Remus glanced up at his friend's face, bright, sharp words on the tip of his tongue, but in the moment he remembered exactly why Sirius had his own reasons to dislike her. He paused, took a breath. Remus let it go.

"Yeah, you're right," he muttered. But he couldn't get the way she had looked at him out of his head. The look of knowing your fate is entirely sealed.