SPELLBOUND | remus lupin

eighteen - those poor trees

JUN, 1976
EDGE OF THE FORBIDDEN FOREST

The tree exploded, sending splinters ricocheting through the forest away from where Camilla was standing, wand outstretched. Pathetic. She was truly, truly pathetic.

"Confringo!" she spat again, but the resulting destruction barely put a dent in her frustration.

After that detention, she'd walked and kept walking. Down the stairs, right out of the castle and across the grounds until she could finally breathe again. That's barbaric. That's what Lupin had said to her about her imminent engagement. Was it? Was she furious at him for saying that, or was she furious at herself because she believed it? Camilla sank to the ground and lobbed her wand as hard as she could. It sailed through their air and landed a distance away, rolling to a stop by a tree trunk.

That had been the most triggering conversation she'd had in a long while. Camilla was surprised she'd been able to keep her cool long enough to vacate the castle and make it somewhere secluded enough that no one would discover her so vulnerable. She had voiced things out loud that she had desired to keep locked up until it was absolutely necessary, to keep her from faltering, fracturing. And with Remus Lupin, no less. Were these the consequences of breaking her own rules?

Evan Rosier... Was that who she would be presented to by her parents this summer? They hadn't explicitly mentioned anything in their monthly letters over the past year, but he seemed to be the most logical choice. Her mother was close with his parents. They were in the same year at Hogwarts, with the same ambition, the same bloodlust — if that was even true for Camilla anymore. She dug her hands into the earth beside her, feeling the dirt working its way beneath her perfect fingernails and her palms breaking the delicate blades of grass. If she could just stay here in this moment and never go back to the castle, she could delay the day coming when she would have to leave and return home. She hadn't been back since September, but it still wasn't long enough.

Lupin's final words to Camilla this evening finally broke through the wall she'd formed to contain them; how did he always know how to get under her skin?

What about what you want?

"Stop!" she shrieked without meaning to, covering her head with her arms and trying to block out the words, the things that she didn't want to think about. What did she want? What in Merlin's name did she want? Not— Just, she couldn't. None of this was up to her. There was nothing she could say or do that would change her situation. The only thing she could possibly take control of was the image other people saw, whispered about in the corridor and revered.

Camilla was so wrapped up in herself that she didn't hear the huge, clomping footsteps until they were five feet away from her. The adrenaline that shot through her propelled the witch to her feet, grasping for her wand — which wasn't there. Seconds later she realised she had thrown it across the gap between herself and the start of the Forbidden forest.

However, Camilla knew she wasn't in any danger when the source of the footsteps materialised into that oafish half-giant who roamed the grounds, Rubeus Hagrid.

"Are you all righ'?"

Incredibly embarrassed now, Camilla marched over to where her wand lay against a tree and scooped it up, averting her eyes as she stalked back towards the castle.

On second thoughts, she whirled and hissed, "If you tell anyone I was here, you'll regret it." The groundskeeper, a horrifically large man, really, earnestly shook his head.

"I won'. You wouldn' believe how many students take out exam stress on the trees down 'ere." Camilla couldn't bear the concern and pity in the giant man's expression. She rubbed her face with her hand harshly while she walked back towards the lights of Hogwarts under the darkening of the sky.

△▽△

"Where have you been then?" Camilla stopped short. She'd just entered the common room, feeling blank and drained, not in the mood to cater to the fragile egos of her group, but already she had been leapt upon by Evan Rosier. Of course it was Evan Rosier.

"It's none of your business," she crooned as sweetly as she could, unconcealed venom oozing from every part of her. He, Bellatrix and Rodolphus rose from their positions by the fireplace and circled towards her like sharks sniffing out prey. Foolish of them to think they had any authority over Camilla, even as distracted as she had been lately.

"Oh, we were just worried because you were late. It's been an hour since your detention ended, we thought you might have gotten lost," Bellatrix returned with equal tainted concern. Camilla's temper flared, her pride poked at by this Black who thought she was better than her. It was an odd sensation — she was pleased she still felt something, that she wasn't entirely numb, but for once that anger didn't come with a sense of satisfaction; it made her feel nauseous. She grappled for a story internally, not about to let on she had been caught crying by that joke of a groundskeeper.

"I went for a walk, if you must know. Practiced some charms. Pushed a Mudblood down the stairs. You know. Boring things." Bellatrix glanced at Rosier and Lestrange, mouth twisted in a sick smirk.

Rosier stepped closer to her. "Did they scream?" Camilla almost tripped backwards. A year ago, she may have laughed. Months ago, even. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be normal, to find these things as funny as she ought to? Her parents unquestionably did. Her friends too. She certainly used to. What had changed?

Camilla, face composed and steady, leaned towards them and whispered, "Loud enough to echo."

Entirely satisfied, the three relaxed before her, under Camilla's thumb once again without even realising.

"Serves them right," Rodolphus chuckled as he put an arm around Bellatrix's shoulders and turned her back towards the fireplace. Surprisingly, the witch let him. Rosier, however, still stood too close to Camilla for comfort, staring at her intently. His gaze was hungry, bloodthirsty, and far too comfortable for her taste.

"Is there a reason you're still here?" she asked as cooly as she could without reaching for her wand.

A dark, contemplative smile spread across his face. "No."

Camilla spun on her heel and strode to her dormitory, fighting back the chill of Rosier's look long after Bellatrix had finally returned and fallen asleep.