FUCK IT ⚠︎ skins, jc

thirteen

The next day I was at home, watching movies in my bedroom with JJ. I didn't go into college: I couldn't be bothered to face everyone after what had happened. They would all be staring, asking questions.. questions that I couldn't answer as I hadn't seen Cook since it happened.

"Which one do you want to watch next?" JJ asked, once the film had finished.
"Any" I sighed.
"You're not really watching are you?"
I shook my head.
"You're worried about Cook"
"You can read my mind Curlynob" I said, screwing my finger into the side of his head.
"Perks of being a mental basket"
We laughed a little.

"He'll be fine you know"
I leaned into him.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. He's Cook. He'll be fine"
"I know but..he hasn't come round all day..maybe he's locked up already"
"Not possible" JJ shook his head. "He's probably on house arrest"
"You're right" I sighed. "I'll stop worrying now"
"Great, then I'll choose the next movie" JJ smiled. He picked one and put his arm around me, letting my head fall onto his chest. We stayed like this for a while, safe, until..

"Fucking hell J you've stolen my girlfriend already? Ive only been gone a day" I suddenly heard Cook say. He was leaning against the doorframe, a smug smile beaming on his face.
"Cook!" I shouted, and ran into his arms.
"Kalani-kins" He smiled, hanging onto me. JJ saw himself out, smiling at us both as he left.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I asked Cook, pulling away and staring into his eyes.
"House arrest"
"J was right.." I looked down at his leg, and saw the tag shining a red light.
"It's red" I frowned.
"Yeah, I've breeched it" He shrugged. He seemed less than bothered. "It's my mums fault.."
"Your mum? You had to stay with her?"
"Yeah. She went on one again, so I took Paddy and we went and smashed up her car" He said, smiling.
"You're in deep shit" I sighed. "So where's Paddy now?"
"On your couch, sleeping"
We went down and checked on him. He was passed out, fast asleep, so we left him and went out to the field across the road.

"The police are probably looking for you Cook"
"Mhm" He nodded, rolling a spliff.
I looked over at him. He was staring out, straight faced. Nothing fazes him, it's fucking crazy.
"I didn't kill her y'know"
"What?"
"The girl. Sophia. I..didn't kill her"
"Yeah. You didn't deal her the drugs"
"No" He shook his head. "Naomi didn't kill her either. She killed herself. Doesn't help though, I still feel guilty about it all"
"You don't need to be, it wasn't your fault"
"Still. I should have listened to you, stopped dealing"
"Maybe you should've. But its over now, it's done. There's nothing we can do about it"
"There is one thing..i'm gonna tell the police it was me"
"What?"
"Im gonna tell them it was me that gave Sophia the MDMA"
"But why?"
He looked over at me.
"Dunno. Seems right" He exhaled, shakily.
I squinted at him.

"It all means so much to you doesn't it?"
"What?"
"Life. You care, really care, but you get fucked over so much that you pretend you don't"
He was quiet for a moment.
"It's easier to pretend you don't care. Cos then you can tell yourself it doesn't mean shit when you get hurt"

I put my arm around his shoulders, and he leant down and rested his head on me.

I know Cook was mostly talking about his parents. They make it seem like it's him making they act the way they do.

"I know you're hurting Cook, and I know you have been for a long time. But none of its your fault ok? No matter how much they blame you. You've always got me alright?"
"I love you Kalani"
"I love you too" I said, and i've never meant it more.
I suddenly felt his weight shift off my shoulder as he stood up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Gonna go see my lawyer, confess and all that everything"

It was clear none of us wanted to say bye, so i simply nodded and watched him walk away until he disappeared from my view.

    -
A couple days later it was his trial, and JJ, Freddie, Effy and I went to watch. My heart beat out of my chest and my hands shook uncontrollably: there was no way Cook was getting out of this. We walked in and saw him just about to go into the courtroom with Duncan- his lawyer- and he looked back, shooting us a nervous smile before Paddy suddenly ran past.

"Cook!" He shouted.
He ran into Cooks arms.
"I bunked off school, I don't give a shit I wanna watch!" He cried.
I was almost in tears watching it all.
"Listen Paddy be a big man for me now yeah? You can't come in, go and sit with Kal, go"
Paddy stepped back into my arms as Cook walked into the courtroom, closing the door behind him. I sat down and let Paddy curl up on my lap. He didn't speak, he just stared at the floor, blinking tears out of his eyes. I cant imagine how he was feeling, about to loose his brother again.

"It's ok Pads" I whispered.
It was like a graveyard as we sat in silence for about half an hour, listening to the quiet hum of voices coming from the courtroom. I heard one word.
Guilty.

I knew Cook was gonna plead guilty, but my heart still sank all the same. Paddy looked up and noticed the look of sadness on my face.
"Is Cook going to prison?" He asked.
I couldn't bring myself to answer him.
I instead kept hold of his little hand, squeezing it tightly. Cook suddenly walked out of the courtroom, two officers keeping hold of him.
"Sentence set 2 weeks from today, take him down" A voice said. I fought the tears that were about to start pouring down my face.

"Cook! Tell them you didn't do anything! Tell them to piss off! Cook!!" Paddy shouted, jumping out of my arms.
Cook looked back at all of us and and took a deep breath, before he was taken out of sight.
I stood there, zoned out for a while, until Effy placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Kal? You ok?"
I nodded, and forced a smile.
"I'll take Paddy home" Freddie said, leading Paddy away and walking out with Eff and JJ.

I walked out a few minutes later. My arms were wrapped my arms around myself, while rain poured down. I stepped in puddle after puddle, muddy water splashing all the way up my leg. At least I could let my tears fall without anyone noticing.