FUCK IT ⚠︎ skins, jc

sixteen

"I'm in a field. There's trees around me. There's no way out. I can barely see, the sky's all...dark. Clouds, covering the sun"
"Is there anyone there?" My therapist, Harper, asked while I closed my eyes and told her what I saw.
"No" I said, shaking my head.
"No shadows?"
"Nope. Just the trees, just the darkness. It's weird, like something could jump out any second"
"What if the clouds weren't there? If they drifted apart.."
I suddenly felt the sun beaming down on me.
"The trees are gone, the grass is bright green. Cooks there, and he's pulling you in for a hug"
I felt Cooks arms around me.
"JJs there, showing you his newest magic trick. Everything's fine, and you're happy"
I slowly opened my eyes, a smile creeping up on my face. I'd been in hospital for a month or so now, and I seemed to be getting better. I don't see the shadows anymore, they're gone, I'm safe.
"Our work here is done Kalani! I'll be back for our session tomorrow"
"Thanks" I smiled, and walked away.

I walked back to my room, passing a lot of manic patients on the way. Crazy to think I was like that two months ago. If I go off my meds I might go back to how I was. I suddenly saw someone I recognized.
"Effy?" I said, as I saw her walking out of an office.
"Kal, hey" She smiled.
"Don't usually see people I know here"
"Neither do I, I've been meaning to visit you for ages"
"So how come you're here?"
"I get therapy here. That's my therapist, John" She explained, pointing to a picture of him on the wall. He looks a bit..sketchy.
"What does he do?"
"Takes all my bad memories and makes them good"
"That's kinda what Harper does. Gets confusing but it helps in the long run"
"Cool" She said, before her phone started ringing. "Pandas calling me, I've gotta go. I'll see you later yeah?"
"Yeah" I smiled, and walked into my room.

Liv was already sitting there waiting for me.
"Hi Liv" I said.
"Hey, how was your session?"
"It was good" I nodded, sitting down on my bed. "They're working I think"
"Great, you might be able to come home soon"
Home. Back to normal. I hadn't thought about all of that.
"That's..good" I muttered, trying not to freak out about it.
"Also..I found this hoodie. I don't recognize it" She shrugged, pointing at a hoodie that was folded beside my pillow. I picked it up and smiled.
"It's Cooks" I said.
"Oh..d'you want me to-"
"No, it's ok. I'll keep it" I said, hugging it to my chest.
"Wait...Cooks been here?"
I sneak him in sometimes.
"Yeah"
"But..didn't you say he was in prison?"
"Mhm, He broke out though" I shrugged.
"Jesus is there anything that boy cant do?"
"Nope" I said, shaking my head.

That night, I was about to fall asleep when I suddenly heard a rock hitting my window. I didn't think anything of it until I heard the same noise three more times.
"What the fuck?" I muttered, and walked over to my window. I slid it open and stepped back as Cook suddenly tumbled in.
"Cook it's the middle of the night what the fuck!" I laughed, clapping my hand over my mouth.
"I wanted to see you! And I think I just threw my entire back out" He said, from the floor.
"Get up you fucking idiot" I smiled, pulling him up from the floor. He stood up and looked around.
"Jesus, this place gives me creeps every time I walk in here"
"How d'you think I feel, i've gotta be here every day"
He laughed a little before wincing.
"What's wrong?"
"I wasn't joking about my back"
I pushed him onto the bed and took his shirt off, starting to rub his back.
"You should be doing this to me, i'm the loony one" I smiled, rolling my eyes.
He laughed a little.
"How's that therapy shit going" He asked.
"Good. Harpers method might be working"
"What does she do?"
"I close my eyes, tell her what I see. She changes it, makes what I see..better. Less scary"
"Try it on me"
"Ok, close your eyes"
"Mhm"
"Are you in a happy place or a dark place?"
"Happy"
"What do you see?"
"Spliff"
"For fucks sake open you eyes" I laughed, flicking his ear.
I suddenly heard a knock at my door.

"Kalani?" It was Harper.
"Erm..yeah?" I said, trying not to laugh.
"Who are you talking to?"
"Erm...no one i'm just...reading out loud" I lied.
"Oh..ok. Well, keep it down, yeah?"
"Yep"

I heard her walk away and tried to stifle my laughter with my hand. Cook pulled me down to lay with him.
"They're gonna let me out of here soon" I said, once I had finally stopped laughing.
"Really?" Cook asked.
"Yeah, I just have to keep taking my meds" I smiled, running my fingers through his hair.
"Then you're home"
"Mhm" I smiled. "And you need to get yourself back to jail" I said, tapping his nose.
"Haven't thought about going back" He sighed.
"You have to eventually"
"I know"
"You'll  make it worse for yourself"
He sighed again and thought for a moment, before snapping my bedside table light on.
"Look" He said, pointing at his stomach.
He had purple and blue bruises, all down his sides.
"Shit.." I said, lightly touching them.
"It's not that bad man" He shrugged.
"Why'd they do it?"
"I think they know the guy I beat up"
"So they kick the shit out of you"
"Pretty much" He smiled. "Anyway, that's why I'm not going back. Next time they could probably kill me"
"Don't say that" I winced. Him being beat to death isn't something I wanted to imagine.
"It's true. Plus, look what happened last time I went away. I don't think your loopy noggin can handle that again" He said, screwing a finger into the side of my head.
"Fuck off" I smiled, slapping his hand away. "I think I can handle it this time. I think."
"Yeah, sure. All fun and games till the fucking shadows jump out"
"Oh ha ha" I said, rolling my eyes and turning away.
"Kal? Are you pissed?"
I smirked, refusing to reply.
"Kal? I'm sorry I didn't mean-"
I turned back around, laughing.
"Your face! Oh kal, i'm so sorry, boohoo" I laughed, mimicking him.
"Yeah, you're funny" He smiled, rolling his eyes.
I put my hand on his cheek.
"I really fucking love you, you tosser"
His face lit up.
"I love you too" He smiled, before leaving a kiss on my lips. I returned it and got on top of him, starting to leave kisses down his neck.

When I woke up, I turned to the side and realized Cook was gone. I knew he couldn't stay, and I knew he would be back but it still darkened my mood a little. I took a shower and threw my clothes back on, including his hoodie, then looked at my bedside table. Three pill bottles stared back at me. I took the pills and choked them down, grimacing at the bitter taste. I heard a knock on my door, before Harper walked in.
"Morning Harp" I smiled.
"Taken your meds?" She asked.
"Yeah, just now"
"Great. There's someone here to visit you"

I walked out and Naomi was sitting there, waving.
"Hey Naoms, what's up?" I said, sitting beside her.
"Just wanted a chat. You good?"
"Yeah" I nodded. "How's the real world?"
"I don't know, actually. Me and Emily, we're all...since the..y'know and.. I don't know what we're doing! If were ok, or if were about to break up. Sometimes I think she can read my mind. I seriously do. I mean is that normal? Is that what you...Kal?"
"You think you're going mad, so you came to see me to see what a mad person looks like" I smiled.
"No! No..no...yes" She sighed.
I laughed a little.
"This whole Sophia thing..why don't you just pretend she never died?"
"But she did?"
"Just..close your eyes and picture her on the balcony. It's dark. But she steps off, and walks away. Lights come on and it's not scary anymore"
Naomi opened her eyes and sighed.
"That helped a little"
"It's not all bad Naoms. Emily will get over it, i'm sure"
"Hopefully"

I was called into Harpers office a bit later, to talk about my treatment apparently.
"Harp?" I said, walking into her office.
"Got some good news Kalani"
"Oh?"
"You're going home"
"...I am?"
"Yeah, you're getting better faster than I thought"
"So I just go home? Just like that?"
"Well, carry on taking your medication and no drink or drugs"
"That's it?"
"And you'll see me twice a week"
"Fine..that's fine" I nodded, trying to convince myself. I was terrified.
"Livs outside. I'll let you pack your stuff" She smiled.