FUCK IT ⚠︎ skins, jc

seventeen

I knocked on the door to JJs house, with a huge smile on my face. I hadn't seen him much since the place I was in gets him really locked on. The door opened and I watched his face light up as he realized it was me. I stepped into his arms, hugging him tightly.
"How have you been Curlynob?"
"Bit bored without you. Cooks been keeping me entertained though"
"Cooks here?" I asked. "I thought he was hiding out at Freddie's?"
"Yeah he was, but Freds dad was getting suspicious"
I ran upstairs and burst into JJs room, to find Cook laying on his bed staring at the ceiling.
"Cookie!" I smiled, holding my arms out.
He looked over and frowned, trying to make sense of everything.
"Nice to see you Kal?"
"It's a bit fucking better than that, you're out of hospital what the fuck!" He said, walking over and picking me up into a hug, making my feet lift my feet off the ground.
"Yeah, sooner than I thought" I said, before kissing him.
"Is that my hoodie?" He asked.
"Yeah..d'you want it back?"
"Nope, looks better on you"
"It's swallowing me whole" I laughed. "Anyway, what have I missed J?"
"A lot, i've got a girlfriend"
"What the fuck? Tell me everything!" I said.

About an hour later, I was at my therapy session with Harper.
"I went into college yesterday, went to see JJ and Cook today" I sighed.
"How did you feel?"
"Good, but...seeing everyone again was a little overwhelming. Professor Blood wants me to tell everyone I got straight A's"
I tried to act normal, but inside I wanted to scream. Being with everyone again made me feel..weird, vulnerable, like the shadows were back.
"That could be a good thing"
"No" I shook my head. "I feel like i'm cheating at life"
"Close your eyes" Harper said.
I did, and stayed silent for a moment, trying to figure out what I was seeing.
"What do you see?" Harper asked.
"I'm in a room. There's people everywhere. My friends are here too, but they're swarming around me, too close"
"Let's imagine they were never there"
"Even my friends?"
"Even them. They're not there, they don't exist. The noise quiets down, it's silent"
I silently imagined them all fading away for a moment, then opened my eyes. I suddenly felt more calm.
"That...worked"
"Great! Now, about your medication..."

✬ ✬ ✬

"There you are" A voice suddenly said. I was sat in the park, staring out to clear my head. The person came and sat next to me. Deep down I recognized him, but I ignored it.
"Thought you'd come and see me today? J's mom found out I was there, so I'm gonna crash at Naoms"
"What?" I replied.
He squinted at me.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
"I guess" I shrugged. " This park, it's peaceful. Ive never taken it all in before. I walk through it every day, but i've never stopped to properly look"
"What the fuck are you on about?" He frowned, before lighting a cigarette.
"Those will kill you y'know" I said.
"That has never bothered you before"
Why was he acting like he knew me?
"Cut the weird shit Kal"
"Kal? Who's Kal?"
He turned to me and gave a confused smile.
"Oh, sorry. You're not Kal. Ive.. mistaken you for someone else"
"Looks like it" I shrugged.
"So what is your name?"
"Kalani" I smiled.
"Kalani, nice to meet you" He held his hand out for me to shake. "I'm James"

He took me to a club, and we danced together through the evening until the night came. I liked this 'James'. He seemed really sweet. The way he looked at me while we danced...
"This is weird, wouldn't usually go for a dance with someone i've only just met"
"Yeah? So why did you?" He asked.
"You seem nice" I smiled.
"I am nice!" He said.
He put his hands on my waist, pulling me in.
"So, what are we doing next mystery girl?"
I looked up at him.
"Something bad" I whispered, smirking.
"You've come to the right man" He smiled, leaning in a little. I reached up until our lips met, and kissed him for a long moment.

We walked for a while, and I was fine, until something suddenly felt off. I looked around and my eyes widened in fear. This was the park where I saw all the shadows. When they were crowding around, about to get me.

"Deja vu" I muttered, wrapping my arms around myself.
"Ain't that the french for 'what the fuck is going on'." James joked.
"Something bad happened here"
"...Ok this is getting way too 'Stephen King' for me. You win alright, I call chicken"
"All the shouting...what are you talking about?" I frowned, turning to him.
"What am I talking about, come on Kal! I know you, you know me"
"What?"
"Were together. We have fucked in every sense of the word. We are Kal and Cook"
"No, that's not true we've never met" I frowned, stepping away from him.
"So how do I know you've got a tattoo of a star on your ankle? Or that your middle names Grace?"
"Stop it" I pleaded, breathing heavily.
"That's because we love each other. The whole world knows us Kal, so stop this shit" He said, placing his hands either side of my face. I suddenly pushed him away and covered my ears, screaming. The shadows...they were here. I knew it was only a matter of time before they were gonna show again.

"The shadows! They're...they're here!" I shouted. "No, no they aren't here, they aren't here, you're not here" I said, trying to convince myself.
"Yes I am..I am" Cook replied.
"What's happening to me?" I said, tears beginning to roll out of my eyes. "You're not here..you don't exist! You don't exist, you don't exit you don't exist, you don't-"
"Stop!" Cook shouted, and slapped me to break the cycle. He stared at his hands afterwards.
"Shit, i'm sorry I-"
"Hit me again!" I said, clenching my fists.
"What? No!"
"Hit me again! I want to feel something! I'm not scared, hit me!!"
Cook leaned into me.
"Kal, please stop"
"I cant!" I yelled, and ran off.
I sprinted around the corner and came face to face with a main road. I wanted to feel something. I knew what I had to do. I ran into the road without a second thought, sending cars swerving around me left and right. I stood my ground with fists clenched, gritting my teeth.
"KAL GET OUT THE ROAD MAN!" Cook yelled, once he had caught up with me.
"IM NOT SCARED! I WANNA BE SCARED! I WANNA BE HURT! I CANT LET THEM GET ME! IM NOT SCARED! IM NOT SCARED, IM NOT SCARED, IM NOT SCARED!! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!!" I shouted, until my voice went hoarse. A white van suddenly started driving towards me at full speed, with no intention of stopping. I stared into its blaring headlights, and braced myself.
This was it.

Suddenly I was tackled to the ground, away from the cars, knocking the wind out of me. I opened my eyes and suddenly everything came rushing back. I pulled Cook into a kiss.
"Get me home Cook. You need to get me there I can't be out here any longer" I pleaded.
"But you remember me though you know who I am?"
"How could I forget? You're mine.." I said, before blacking out.

I woke up hours later, squinting as I tried to open my eyes. I froze up, tears beginning to form.
"Kal? You ok?" I heard Cook ask.
I turned to the side and saw him sitting there, gripping my hand.
"I'm back where I was" I muttered.
"Yeah, you're back in hospital"
I shook my head.
"No..in here", I tapped my head. "In here, I can see the shadows again"
"Listen, your safe Kal. They're not gonna get you I'm here"
"I've done it to you again Cook, I'm so stupid" I said, my voice breaking a little.
"You're not, it's ok" He whispered, trying to blink away his tears. He moved his hand to my cheek and lightly stroked my face.
"I love you" I whispered.

Liv walked in, and put a hand on Cooks shoulder.
"Cook? You should probably go mate, someone might see you"
He looked at her, then back at me.
"Kal i've gotta go alright?"
"What? Don't leave Cook" I said, frowning.
"I'll be back, you're ok"
"Don't go"
He stood up and kissed my forehead.
"I'll be back, I promise"
He left, silently sobbing under his hood.