Torn Between

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I run across the ice, not even noticing my legs tiring.

Fili is dead.

I jump up onto the stones of the tower just as Kili runs past.

Fili is dead.

I run and--

Kili. Oh god, Kili. He's running up there, Azog's up there. No, no, no. I cannot loose him too.

I faintly hear Thorin yelling my and Kili's name, but I don't move. He's there. Right there. Fili.

I don't remember going to his body, only holding his limp head in my lap and crying. Crying.

Fili is dead. He's never going to talk to me again, never going to call me Princess again, never hug me again, never kiss my cheek again, never be the older brother I never had. And I sob. Fili. My Fili. I love you so much. So, so much.

I start when I hear a clang of metal on metal, and it hits me again.

Kili went up there. And I'm sure that Thorin probably followed.

I kiss Fili's now cold forehead. "I love you , my little lion heart," I mutter, and I wipe away my tears and draw my sword and run up into the tower.

Gutteral growls and clangs echo on my right, and I sprint past Thorin fighting Azog.

But Thorin.... Thorin, Thorin... I've already lost Fili, Kili's up there... now you're fighting...

My mind spins and more tears leak down my cheeks, but I ignore them as the freeze in the cold.

Suddenly screeches erupt from the north, and I glance over in my rush and see huge bats flying over the mountains. Bolg's army has arrived.

Bilbo's over there. Oh, oh. Bilbo. Fili, Kili, Thorin, Bilbo... my family. MY FAMILY. And I'm slowly losing them all.

A freezing wind blows in, throwing snow into the air and making it hard to see. An orc runs out of the mist and I barely have time to raise my sword and kill it, straining the wound in my side. It's starting to bleed again, hell. I knot the cloth tighter around it and force the pain away, running higher and higher.

More orcs run around the corners, towering over me, and with my Hobbit size I have to stop to fight them.

I hear Azog screaming in Black Speech somewhere down below, but don't stop to listen. I can still hear the clang of swords, which means Thorin isn't dead yet.

"Amariel!"

Kili. Kili.

I run out of the tower and look up. An axe drops down from the ledge, and Kili shouts my name again.

No, no... How am I supposed to get up there?

"Kili!" I yell, letting him know I'm here. I'm coming. You're not going to die.

More swords clash together above me. What if he's overwhelmed? What if he can't kill an orc? What if...

"Amariel!"

He sounds absolutely terrified.

"Kili! Kili!"

Forget stairs, I grab onto the rock and haul myself up to the ledge, nearly losing my footing.

There's no Fili to save me now.

Finally my fingers curl around the top of the ledge and I pull myself up with a grunt.

Bolg grins menacingly at me, holding Kili with one arm.

My heart stops.

Kili. Not Kili.

Bolg tightens his grip on his sword, and then plunges it through Kili's stomach.

And I scream.

Without even thinking I run at Bolg, more tears than I have ever cried streaming down my face.

Kili. My Kili. My beloved Kili, is dead.

I dodge Bolg's first swing and whip my sword around, cutting his arm. He growls and throws his arm out, hitting my wounded side. I cry out in pain and hit the stone with a force great enough to knock me out.

Kili. Kili.

I stand up, my eyes blazing, and dodge Bolg again, this time planting my foot on the rock and leaping onto the orc's shoulders. I raise my sword above my head, and before he can shake me off, I thrust my sword into his skull.

Bolg sways for a moment before dropping to the ground. I land on top of him, but scramble off and run over to Kili.

His breaths are ragged, and I lay his head in my lap and brush his hair out off his forehead. My tears drip onto his face, but he doesn't notice.

"Amariel," he chokes, a trickle of blood running out of the corner of his mouth. "Amariel, Amariel, I love you. I-I love you so, so much."

I lean down and kiss his lips. "You're going to be alright," I whisper. "Everything's going to be alright."

He looks up at me with pleading eyes.

"Sing to me, Amariel?" he asks, his breaths getting shorter and shorter.

"Of course," I breath. "Anything for you."

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

I feel the life leave him, see his eyes lose their focus on me, and hear his breathing stop. But I keep singing.

"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"

And I cry. Kili is dead. He's dead. He's dead. I kiss him again, but I know he's gone. Gone.

"Your brother will be happy to see you," I choke.

And then I break down. I never told him I loved him. He died, and I never told him how much I loved him. How every time I saw him my stomach fluttered and everything inside me warmed up and I would smile. How he could always make me laugh, even when I was sad. How he would always do that little smirk. How his brown eyes were always found mine.

I bend my head forward and lean my forehead against his. Its already cold, just like Fili's. Maybe I'll wake up and this will all be a dream. A terrible, horrible dream.

I touch the bow strapped to his back.

But this is my bow.

I unhook it and run my hands over its bloody wood, and feel a scratch. An engraving.

I'll return to you.

My tears mix with his blood that coats the ground.
----------------
Note: I do not own the song Amariel sings. All rights go to Coldplay and their writers.

im so so so sorry

-gracie