Torn Between

Chapter 23

Amariel's POV

I'm still sitting by Kili's side, absentmindedly stroking the hairs from his cold forehead when I'm absolutely sure the battle is over. The silence hangs around me, heavy with unspoken words and loss. I hear heavy footsteps behind me, but don't bother to look back.

"Amariel! You're alive! Have you seen-"

Ori's voice abruptly cuts off, and I see him kneel down next to me out of the corner of my eye.

"I never even told him I loved him," I murmured, my eyes welling up with tears once again.

Ori hugs me, and I look at him for the first time. I see he's crying now too, and I hug him back.

"He knew, Amariel. He knew."

More footsteps echo through the tower, and I recognize them as Dwalin's without looking.

"We have to move him, Amariel," he says thickly. I nod, and then ask the question I know I have to have answered, but dread.

"What... What about Thorin? And Bilbo? Are they alright?" I whisper, not trusting myself to speak louder.

Dwalin hesitates before answering, which tells me the answer isn't good. More tears leak down my cheeks, and I take a deep breath and try and prepare myself for what he's going to say.

"Bilbo is fine," Dwalin starts. "Shaken, probably, but Thorin... Thorin didn't make it."

I gasp, even though I knew it was coming. Thorin. The only fatherly figure I'd ever really had, despite meeting my real parents in Rivendell.

I stand up shakily, resting my hand on Ori's shoulder. Dwalin's face is screwed up, trying not to cry.

"I've got to... Bilbo...." I manage, before walking towards the stairs. I stop at the top, pausing to look back at Dwalin and Ori, who are picking up Kili's limp body. My heart thuds at the sight of him just lying there, unmoving, in Dwalin and Ori's arms. He's never going to move again. I push that thought out of my head.

I hardly think as I step down the stairs, Kili's face as he stares up at me, dying, swims in my vision, and I nearly trip twice. At the bottom of the stairs, I see Fili.

Fili. I drop to my knees next to his body and lay down with my head on his chest, even though I know that Dwalin and Ori are probably coming to get Fili's body too.

"You said we would all get through this," I cry. "You said we'd all be alright."

I sit up and kiss his forehead for the last time in my life, and walk away, away from tears, away from the one I considered my brother, away from those who I loved. All three Durins are dead. And I'm never going to get used to that.

I walk out onto the ice field and see a small figure sitting across it. Bilbo. Bilbo! I run, trying not to slip, and fling my arms around my best friend. Bilbo starts, but after he realizes who I am, wraps his arms around me too, and we sit there for a moment, just hugging and thanking everything that we're both still alive.

I sit down next to him and lean my head on his shoulder, and he sighs.

"You know that Th... Thorin is dead, Amariel," he mutters, sniffling.

"I know," I say quietly, and I close my eyes.

A few minutes later, I hear someone else sit down next to us, and open my eyes a crack to see a gruff looking Gandalf. He glances at Bilbo and I, who both have tear stained cheeks and watery eyes.

He extracts his pipe and a small, wooden cleaner from a pocket of his worn, grey robe and begins scraping the ash remnants from the little hole that holds the pipeweed. The noise is quite annoying, and both Bilbo and I look over at him awkwardly. Gandalf sucks the end of the pipe, testing it to see if its cleared out enough, but isn't satisfied, so goes back to scraping. He eventually notices Bilbo and I staring at him and chuckles a little, lightening the mood considerably.