Everything Changes

Chapter Twenty-Four: In The Same Boat

After work, Cassie did as promised and met Jordan at the boat rental shop.

She docked her boat in one of the open spaces, watching as he exited the shop and walked towards her. She awkwardly sat in the back of the boat, trying to calm her nerves. It's just going to be a conversation... it's just going to be a conversion... she kept telling herself. She prayed things wouldn't go south like the last two times they spoke. She wasn't in the mood for any more drama, especially not between her and Jordan.

"Hey," he greeted as he stepped into the boat. She smiled, staying quiet. If she was being honest, she was afraid to speak. She wasn't sure what to say. She feared they would argue again. "How have you been?"

"Good," she answered, already beginning to feel the awkward energy, but she felt even more awkward sitting in her work uniform! She wished she was wearing something more appealing instead of the all black outfit. "How about you?"

"Good,"

"That's good,"

"Yeah,"

Their small talk was physically paining Cassie. She grew bored easily, which was why she couldn't last another second asking him basic questions. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" She questioned, cutting straight to the chase. As always, anxiety was taking control of her. "I don't have all day."

Jordan nodded, remembering what he wanted to discuss with her. It had been something he needed to get off his chest - and also something long overdue. He took a seat across from her, taking a moment to prepare what he was going to say. He felt just as nervous as she was. "I'm sorry," he apologized, his voice soft and quiet. Cassie sat in place, unfazed. "For everything."

She looked away from him, refraining from saying anything crude. She didn't want to ruin what could potentially be a good apology from him.

"I was being such an asshole two summers ago," he admitted as he shook his head in disappointment. She nodded, starting to like the direction the conversation was heading in. Him taking accountability was what she was looking for. "My life was changing really quickly. I was about to move to L.A. and play football at one of the best programs in the country. I was so excited... and I'm sorry my excitement turned me into such a dick. I still think about the things I said to you that night and I feel awful. You didn't deserve that. No one did."

She waited for him to say more, but he didn't. That was all he had to say? She thought his apology was pathetic. He didn't mention ignoring his hometown friends when he moved, visiting home with his new girlfriend, or the accident. He was leaving too much unsaid for her to be satisfied. She figured she would ask the most important question first. "Why did you stop talking to everyone when you moved? That was so disrespectful."

"You know a lot about PTSD, right?" He asked her as her eyes widened in surprise. She didn't expect him to say that, especially not after his pathetic apology.

That was when she realized why he wanted to talk to her. Not only because she was his ex-girlfriend and he had an apology to give her, but because he knew she could relate to his emotions. She figured he knew that she'd be the only one to understand him.

"Yeah," she nodded her head.

"I was associating the accident with West Coral and our friends from home," he started to explain. "It was psyching me out in a way... like... I was experiencing bad karma," he continued. "Every time I thought about our friends from home, I thought about the accident. Ignoring everyone's texts and calls made it easier to forget about everything. Like, a coping method." He paused for a moment, taking a breath of air. He was finding it a struggle to share his feelings about the accident, something he hadn't done before. "Every time I picked up the phone to text someone back, I couldn't. It was so painful. I couldn't stop thinking about the accident. There was so much pain that I couldn't deal with. I just wanted to feel like a normal person. I feel terrible that I hurt everyone else in the process."