WITH LOVE / XIAOVEN

fourteen.

authors note: HEYYYY im so sorry this is kinda late ive been cleaning all day that i completely forgot about updating LMAOO umm this is not a happy chapter again im so sorry T___T it didnt make sense 4 me to just jump to happy moments after xiao literally explains his trauma lmao also inazuma so pwetty...... gorou can we kiss..... OH WAIT TW FOR SA & PANIC ATTACKS ! (comment if i missed smthin bc i am vewy tired rn)

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it doesn't surprise xiao that he ends up dreaming of his mother that night. he's never had a chance to properly take in what she'd done until now, of course. sure, he'd told zhongli what had briefly happened but the rest- he'd ended up speaking to his siblings instead of him because of how traumatic it was for xiao. even with how traumatic it is- once he's staring his mother in his eyes as he struggles against her, he is not afraid.

it's his thirteenth birthday and his mother is holding his wrists above his head, restraining him. her left hand is holding his hands against the headboard of his bed and the other is attempting to do something that he doesn't want to think about at all.

she'll stop one day. any day now. any day now. just not today, apparently.

"i don't know why you do this," xiao says plainly as if he were uninterested in what she was doing, as if she was not in the process of repeatedly traumatizing him over and over.

she chuckles dryly, "you ruined my life, alatus. my family stopped contacting me after i had you so thank you."

he didn't know that. he didn't want to know that. he didn't want to know that he'd always be seen as messing up his mother's life. he wanted to be seen as something more than that. tears well up in his eyes- he wanted, no, needed to do something more than mess up his mother's life.

"i'm sorry."

his mother chuckles,"i don't need your pity, alatus. that's the last thing i need from you."

he lays still, possibly as still as he possibly can- as if he were dead. it doesn't have to be like this, he thinks, but it is. that's his reality.

"so pretty," his mother cooes as she rubs her hands on his tan skin,"it's too bad that you're ruined. nobody will want you now."

he doesn't respond- what is he supposed to say? it's your fault that i'm like this? how does she want him to respond? he doesn't really know.

"aw no response alatus? or do you not respond to that anymore?" she asks with a fake pout in her voice. after he doesn't respond, she simply sighs.

"hm, how about xiao?" she asks and xiao's breathing stops as if she suddenly had a knife pointed towards his throat.

xiao must have an expression on her face that only shows shock because she soon laughs, "come on, you didn't think i would know? you really think that i wouldn't know that xiao is you, alatus? you're quite stupid if you think that. teyvat is not as small as you think and not many men share the same face as you."

xiao feels as if his air had been cut by his very own mother. she knows. no, no, no, no, no, no.

xiao's mind is so muddled by his mother that when venti finally shakes him awake, he is still hyperventilating and shaking as if it was never a dream to begin with.

venti's hands are cradling his face as tears run down xiao's own face as he feels as if he's unable to breathe. ventis mouth is moving but xiao cannot hear anything that he is saying.