Thirteen Ways To Cope≫ ImmortalHD

2-block out negative thoughts

I look at the now crumpled piece of paper I had looked over so many times after it had originally slipped into my hand. The first thing on what I called his ways to cope list had been practically fulfilled, but would take time so I figured why not start the next thing. I'd also decided to take it one step at a time to slowly cope with things.

Blocking out negative thoughts would be hard to do as it wasn't easy to banish bad thoughts. You couldn't just silence everything at one time; bad thoughts come in waves and crash down on your suddenly making regret loads of things regardless over your control over them.

Terrible thoughts were a downfall of mine though, and how he knew that I had no clue.

Somehow he did or maybe it was just what he saw, or maybe he assumed I did. If he were friends with Eddie then maybe he had awful thoughts as well. It could just be stereotypical of people who go through this sort of thing as well.

Now I set on my bed looking at that stupid sheet of paper and clinging to the thought of someone caring. Those comforting thoughts soon dissipate into thoughts of guilt and other awfulness.

I think about how awful I am for everything. For not keeping Eddie at my house longer, for anything I could have done to save him. I think about why no one would talk to me anymore. And I think about everything that was wrong with me.

Then I'm consumed in the awful thoughts, nothing else coming to mind. My arms wrap around my own torso trying to provide comfort as I'm overcome.

The next day I find myself walking through the hallways, my shoulders slouched over and my head bowed in defeat. There's dark circles under my eyes that I didn't bother covering with makeup knowing that I wouldn't look any better if I did.

My thoughts were still swarming with discontent from last night, and needless to say I felt like shit. My hair was a mess no doubt and I myself was a mess. No one seemed to notice my state, maybe because I'm worthless or maybe they did just didn't want to mention it. Either way there were a lot of maybes.

Sitting in class I feel eyes on me and shift uncomfortably. Did I really look that bad? Of course you do my mind echoes and I sink down further in my chair. While the teacher talks I glance around the room trying to find who was staring at me. Then I realize it's him, sitting two rows behind me he was intently looking at me possibly trying to decipher what I was thinking.

It's a good thing he couldn't.

I bite my lip thinking of the ways to cope list. Next was to block out negative thoughts which obviously I wasn't trying. Hopefully that wouldn't let him down..

No wait, it wouldn't he would understand.

That guy would understand if he had the nerves to compose a list then he would understand. Taking a deep breath I try to change my train of thought. Then I give up and just try to block out the negative thoughts.

As I attempt to block the negative things out I start to feel a bit better. A little of the weight is lifted off my chest, and although it's not nearly enough I do feel better. My eyes stay trained on the guy behind me, him smiling as I grin just a little. Just looking at him somehow helps me ignore the horrid things that circulate through my mind.

Instead of focusing on them, I block them out and wonder about this guy who was helping me. There were so many things I didn't know about him like for starters his name. I think about going up to him, but for some reason that heavy feeling reappears in my chest again.

Longing for it to go away I shift away from that thought instead choosing to be content with what I knew. I also decide that maybe just like eating, blocking out the thoughts will be easier in the future.

.

.

a/n
I can't write for shit today.