Thirteen Ways To Cope≫ ImmortalHD

8. be aware you are trying

today in school i was asked what i tried hardest at.

it took a long time of staring at my desk before i could even respond my guidance counselor. i finally looked her i didn't know; i, jasey rae, don't know what i try the hardest at. the counselor told me i needed to figure it out before i could even try and select anything for my future. i told her i didn't know why i needed to chose already then walked out of her office while my dignity was still intact.

for some reason that question haunted me all day. it seemed to follow me everywhere I went on campus and even home to this desk where im sitting right now. perhaps it's not because i don't know what i try hardest at, but because i do know, and my guidance counselor wouldn't be fond of it.

i tried hardest to cope with the loss of eddie.

i tried my hardest to follow the steps a.m. has given me to cope. along with trying my hardest to cope i tried to figure out why he cared for me so much. if she knew that she'd probably send me to some form of therapy to deal with my feelings, but i believe i don't need therapy. im trying to deal with it, and im aware that I am trying to deal with what i feel.

he wrote out "be aware you're trying" for step eight and im fully aware that i am trying after reading that step over and over. it was my favorite step of them all as being aware i was trying made my chest swell with a tiny bit of pride and it gave me a tiny amount of hope that i was going to make it.

all though i had that hope, being aware i was trying and trying to cope with eddies death weren't the answers my schools guidance counselor was looking for. she wanted to hear that i wanted to be a psychologist, an artist, an athlete; she wanted to hear plans for the future I hadn't made yet. that wasn't my fault though, everything i had planned involved eddie and no longer felt like an option.

I stop the entry there not knowing what else to write. Shutting the small journal I set it on my desk along with the pen I'd used then look around my room. My eyes land on a piece of paper that anymore was held near and dear to my heart laying on the desk. For some reason the wrinkled edges of his note and the ever so convincing words had become my favorite thing on this planet.

Small tears adorned the already tattered edges and creases distinctly lined where I'd refolded the note time and time again. As I look at it I'm suddenly more curious about its owner again. I often pondered what the boy who slipped this into my locker was like, but never had a definite answer. I wish I did though.

And in that moment I decided that I was aware, not only that I was trying, but that I needed to meet the boy who'd improved my life greatly.

.

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a/n
I might write another chapter for this tonight because I'm feeling this
Go productivity.