Thirteen Ways To Cope≫ ImmortalHD

9. change things for the better

I walk through the hallways with a new sense of determination the next day, fully ready to face the day. Unlike previous days I was convincing myself I could do this; it would be fine. A smile rests on my lips as I continue through the hallways, and only shocked faces greet me. I ignore the, though and continue walking at a slow pace toward class.

Going into the classroom I notice a folded up piece of paper on my desk. I quickly snatch it up knowing fully well who it was from. My fingers work out the creases as my eyes scan over the familiar scrawling.

Your smiles beautiful, wish I could have seen it sooner.
-a.m.
(James agrees)

I chuckle and set the note on top of my stuff then take a seat in my desk. I watch as rain falls outside the small window for a while before I begin watching as people pour into the classroom. They all wear bright smiles, and their eyes are lit with a happiness I hadn't felt for a long period of time.

Yet I was determined to feel that way. Despite everything that happened to me, despite Eddie being gone I wanted to be happy I truly did and if change was what I needed to get there then I would. Drowning in a pool of depression, and sorrow wasn't something I wanted in life nor was it what Eddie would have wanted for me.

A loud chuckle echoes through the nearly silent room as students were tinkering with their phones hurriedly before the teacher comes in. I look up to see the dark haired boy named James who's cackling while he stands next to him a smile adorning his lips. Sure I knew what he looked like, but never had I taken interest in the boys looks. He had long floppy brown hair the nearly fell in his eyes, and chocolate colored eyes to match. Never had I actually taken into account I know the embodiment of a.m. I just always acted as if he was unknown to me when in reality he was across the classroom.

James notices my eyes on them and waves. I sheepishly wave back kind of embarrassed to be caught borderline staring. He nods toward the note on my desk and mouths "read it" before taking a seat in the back next to James. I smile and unfold it, reading it again and letting the words really sink in.

The rest of the day I walk through the hallways with my head held high and the same smile lining my lips. Several times I feel eyes on me and turn to see him watching me with a joyous smile on my face. My cheeks would flush and I'd move on happy that someone was glad to see me improving.

I'm sure Eddie was too.

That thoughts pushed aside as I'm greeted by my old room with pictures of Eddie lining the wall above my desk, and the gloomy feeling hanging over it after school. After a moment of hesitation I yank the curtains open letting the sun seep into my room. It warms my skin, and gives me a certain happiness I can't explain.

I then set my gaze on the pictures above my desk. Gnawing on my bottom lip I make a split second decision. Carefully I begin removing tacks from the pictures that hang above my desk setting them in a neat pile. After gathering them all, minus my favorite photo of Eddie and I, I retreat to the closet sticking them in the box of his stuff. I shut the closet door then let out a deep breath, feeling an enormous anchor being lifted from my chest.